We ain't all setters (but we're definitely pretty) - somiahu (2024)

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

Oikawa has added Suga, Kageyama, Yahaba, Semi, Shirabu, Kenma, Akaashi, Atsumu, Futakuchi to 'The Pretty Setters + Futakuchi and mayhaps others' chat

8:32 PM

Shirabu: where tf did u find our numbers

Semi: ^^

Suga: ^^^^

Futakuchi: ^^^^^

Kageyama: ^^^^^^^

Kenma: i don't know u

Akaashi:: ^^

Atsumu: ^^^^

Oikawa: I just wanted us all to be friends :DDDDD

Suga: r u here looking to get bullied Oikawa

Semi: bc we will bully u

Kenma: oh ur the grand king

Oikawa: U KNOW ABOUT ME???

Kenma: dunno why Shouyou has such a high opinion of you. u sound kinda dumb

Kageyama: u call hinata by his first name??

Kenma:,,,uh yeah

Kageyama: y can't i do that too

Suga: im guessing it's bc you two aren't as close friends...?

Oikawa: isn't hinata the lil orange chibi that said he was determined to beat u tobio chan?

Kageyama: yeah
Kageyama: y is that important

Suga: absolutely no reason Kageyama don’t answer any of his questions

Oikawa: MR REFRESHING KUN HOW MEAN

Futakuchi: out of curiosity tho y this chat

Oikawa:,,,I was bored

Yahaba: my guess is that Iwauzumi san was ignoring u again and ur lonely and need new friends :))

Semi: if he needed friends why would he add us out of all people

Shirabu: yeah i thought he hated us

Oikawa: UR RIGHT I DO HATE U GUYS
Oikawa: Im just trying to find new people to make fun of :))

Atsumu: well have fun bc yer gonna be the one made fun of :))

Oikawa: says the person with the dumb sounding kansai accent :DD

Atsumu: U TAKE THAT BACK

Kenma: do i have to be here

Akaashi: yeah we’re not farmboys like the rest of u plz let us leave

Suga: i give my condolences to u two in tokyo

Atsumu: speakin of tokyo can one of u two plz run to itachiyama and tell sakusa to UNBLOCK ME
Kageyama: Atsumu san i thnik he probably blocked u for a reason

Semi: Sakusa from itachiyama as in the guy with black curly hair and insane wrists?

Akaashi: well there is only one sakusa in the kanto region

10:06 PM

Atsumu: this is v random I feel like firebendin would be fueled by yer level of horniness

Kenma: ur too airheaded to be a firebender

Atsumu: I am offended

Oikawa: OMG YEAH FIREBENDING WOULD TOTALLY BE HORNY FUELED

Suga: I could see kageyama and shirabu as firebenders for some reason

Semi: huh I always thought shirabu would be an earthbender for some reason

Oikawa: on a completely unrelated note should I listen to 50 shades of grey on audiobook

Kageyama: what's that

Suga: NO ONE TELL HIM

Akaashi: kageyama I suggest you avert your eyes

Futakuchi: lmfao yes do it

Semi: please do not

Atsumu: lmao I'll even do it with ya if u want

Yahaba: if u do it I'm telling iwaizumi senpai

Oikawa: WAIT WHAT NO

Shirabu: this conversation is absolutely appalling

Kenma: I am disappointed in all of us

Akaashi: disappointed in humanity more like

Futakuchi: is it just me or are u two vry existential

Akaashi: I think it's the city life

Kenma: yeah y'all are farm kids we can't relate

Akaashi: u guys can see the beauty in rural life

Kenma: we're just dead inside

Atsumu: 'm offended by how yer assuming we're not dead inside too

Shirabu: yeah we're all suffering

Oikawa: dead inside bc we didn't make it to nationals :((

Suga: happy inside bc we did :))

Semi: ^^

Futakuchi: OH WOW

Atsumu: OH WOT A BLOWWW

Yahaba: you're all terrible

Kageyama: yeah but at least we made it to nationals

Suga: oml my kouhai is learning from me i feel proud

Shirabu: semi y do u never compliment me like that

Semi: maybe if u weren't such a BITCH

Shirabu: yeah well ur dATING THIS BITCH

Semi: NOT LIKE I ASKED TO

Shirabu: U WANNA FIGHT I WILL FIGHT U

Oikawa: popcornlol

Futakuchi: semi @ shirabu rn: peppapigface

Yahaba: lmao yeah oikawa y do u never compliment me like that

Atsumu: WHAT A SMOOTH TRANSITION

Akaashi: wow that topic change

Kenma: ^^

Suga: ^^

Oikawa: WELL I'M SORRY (◞‸◟ㆀ) (◞‸◟ㆀ)

Kageyama: yeah oikawa why weren't u a good senpai??

Atsumu: things are getting heated in the senpai fandom

Futakuchi: anotherheateddiscussion

Akaashi: on that note is anyone else concerned about where semi and shirabu went off to?

Suga: I for one didnt know they were dating and am slightly concerned but also 99% sure they're making out right now

Yahaba: unfortunately ur probably right

Kenma: once again, disappointed in humanity

Oikawa: we've all turned into horny monsters what a dive

Atsumu: humans have always been horny monsters tho?

Kageyama: I thought the point of living was to procreate?

Futakuchi: aw u poor baby what have they been feeding u

Yahaba: just realized kageyama is the only first year here

Suga: oml yeah ur right

Atsumu: he's also the only first year in our All Japan trainin camp group chat w the nationals bois

Kageyama: the chat where ur always flirting with sakusa san and he ignores u? And then hoshiumi and komori san laugh and send memes?

Oikawa: BWAHAHAHAHA
Oikawa: OH MAN TSUMU CHAN U BEEN E X P O S E D

Futakuchi: lmfao wow how smooth ratsumu

Kenma: I can see why he would ignore u

Atsumu: SHUT YER TRAPS

Yahaba: spoken like a true Southerner

Akaashi: kageyama good job

Suga: this is y ur my favorite kouhai kageyama

Kageyama: your favorite kouhai is tsukishima though?
Kageyama: U always say he's the best bc he's fun to annoy

Kenma: tall one with the glasses?

Oikawa: looks salty as hell?

Shirabu: blocked Ushijima's spike?

Yahaba: oh wow ur back

Semi: the first year tendou is always complaining about?

Futakuchi: the blond one that koganegawa always talks about from the training camp?

Akaashi: he was in the 3 v 3 practice match we had at training camp

Suga: yep that'd be him
Suga: Sorry kageyama ur right he is my favorite

Kageyama: it's ok he needs more people to like him
Kageyama: Lots of people hate him

Shirabu: that kid must make a lot of enemies if he taunts every team he plays

Oikawa: I could've sworn he had a thing for karasuno's freckle chan

Kageyama: they're in denial I think. Something about how they're best childhood friends and could never like each other?

Yahaba: OH THAT SOUNDS FAMILIAR

Futakuchi: I WONDER WHERE I'VE HEARD THAT BEFORE

Akaashi: @kenma and @oikawa

Kenma: wth akaashi u know what kuroo is like

Oikawa: iwa chan wouldn't like me back anyways,,,

Semi: this is sad to read

Atsumu: u guys sound pretty hopeless

Suga: supposedly not as hopeless as ur flirting attempts though?

Futakuchi: *chokes on tea*

Atsumu: . . .

Oikawa: LMFAOOOOOOO

Akaashi: did you know that the more Os u use in lmao the more depresso u are

Yahaba: consuderin he can't f*ckiNG SEE i think i know why he's depresso

Suga: oikawa please do get your priorities straightened out

Semi: I think u mean get his priorities gayed out

Kageyama: i thought oikawa san was bi though?

Kenma: get his priorities bi-ed out then

Shirabu: Oikawa u remind me of a sad seal

Oikawa: what is that supposed to mean

Atsumu: yer sad and grey

Akaashi: but still supposedly a pretty boy

Oikawa: awww u think i'm pretty?

Kenma: no

Shirabu: ^^^

Futakuchi: ^^^^

Semi: ^^^^^

Suga: as the eldest amongst us disasters i now make the executive decision to label Akaashi as the Prettiest Setter™

Yahaba: I've never seen him before but he sounds nicer than Oikawa so sure

Semi: i HAVe seen him before and i have to agree

Oikawa: goddamnit owl chan even i have to admit ur pretty

Atsumu: we should rank all of us from prettiest to least

Futakuchi: ur least

Kageyama: I agree

Kenma: ur hair is disgusting too

Yahaba: I think second prettiest might be suga san tho

Suga: awww ty youre so nice

Shirabu: find urself a senpai who is nice enough to compliment their own kouhai and other school kouhai

Yahaba: ^^

Oikawa: OH WOW

Semi: mind you i'm perfectly capable of doing that

Akaashi: apparently not

Kageyama: suga san is sometimes evil though

Futakuchi: who in this chat isn't some degree of evil

Atsumu: ngl probably Kageyama he's a lil goody two shoes

Kageyama: i take full offense to that

Yahaba: yeah lmao his setter dumps rlly killing us

Semi: ^^ u dump him and he does it right back

Kageyama: :))

Chapter 2

Chapter Text

8:52 PM

Kenma: Guys

Akaashi:?

Yahaba: What's up

Kenma: is it possible fall asleep in ur bathtub

Atsumu: Lmao what

Kenma: bc i just woke up and I’m in my bathtub

Suga: um what it’s like 9 at night

Oikawa: if i had a bathtub i would do that too tho

Suga: Why would u do that

Shirabu: Why nottttt

Semi: You might drown
Semi: That’s why not

Suga: You might dieeee

Kageyama: put pillows and blankets int in
Kageyama: just dont fill the tub
Kageyama: ?

Semi: oh

Kenma: Yeah we're talking about no water

Yahaba: Lmao

Akaashi: Oh

Kageyama: sleeping in an empty tub yeah I've done that

Oikawa: WAIT U GUYS THOUGHT WE WERE TALKING BOUT WITH WATER

Akaashi: Yes

Suga: YEA

Atsumu: lol nopEEEee

Futakuchi: Sounds like something you would do
Futakuchi: Ngl

Oikawa: ,,,ur not wrong tho i totally would

Yahaba: Yeah it does

Semi: Empty tub is fun when it's one of those old Victorian fancy ones made of brass or wtvr

Suga: OOH YEA

Atsumu: what if ya fell asleep in one of those town tubs English people would bathe in once a month
Atsumu: and then rats crawled up ur ass

Kenma: that sounds terrible wtf

Suga: yikes that’s a no no

Kageyama: i do not want that

Akaashi: What is it with you and rats

Oikawa: NO TO THE ASS RATS AHAHAA

Yahaba: atsumu and rats man

Semi: Lmao ass rats

Kageyama: um

Futakuchi: RATS

Kenma: Ass rat

Akaashi: atsumu's favorite animal is probly rats tbh

Atsumu: It is NOT

Suga: do NOT let rats crawl up ur ass please
Suga: ESPECIALLY not in a bathtub

Semi: Yeah that sounds awful
Semi: Like really awful

Futakuchi: imagine if it were a moldly bathtub too

Semi: ...a moldly bathtub?

Futakuchi: okay i meant moldy shhhh

Suga: lolololol

Kenma: i'd use moldy bathtub as an insult

Futakuchi: LMAO

Akaashi: Nice

Yahaba: I want to see you use that
Yahaba: I really do

Oikawa: oml I would die if you used that

Shirabu: I'd pay to see that happen

Kageyama: ^^

Kenma: Someone add kuroo and I will
Kenma: Not actually
Kenma: But I could

Shirabu: Someone plz add whoever kuroo is I want to see this happen

Akaashi: I can

Akaashi added niconiconikuroo to the chat

Niconiconikuroo: Kenmaaaaaa what is this you've added me to?

Kenma: Hi you moldy bathtub

Semi: ...

Shirabu: ...

Futakuchi: ...

Suga: ...

Kageyama: ...

Yahaba: ...

Oikawa: ...

Atsumu: ...

Akaashi: ...

Niconiconikuroo: kenma what the

Kenma removed niconiconikuroo from the chat

Semi: ok moving on

Oikawa: You know what I enjoy

Shirabu: moldy bathtubs

Oikawa: No what I don't want to take a shower on tsumu chan bah yucky

Atsumu: YOU TAKE THAT BACK

Oikawa: NO UR YUCKY
Oikawa: Anyways any OTHER suggestions

Yahaba: Being horny

Kenma: pining

Akaashi: dying

Futakuchi: ^^

Suga: ^^

Kageyama: pining over iwaizumi san

Oikawa: I was not expecting that, , ,
Oikawa: But you're not wrong
Oikawa: tobio chan how could u expose me like this

Suga: it's not like u try to hide it

Semi: ^^

Yahaba: yeah ur always flirting w him

Futakuchi: ur very obvious

Atsumu: pinin over yer childhood best friend? Can't relaTe

Oikawa: pining over someone who won't even talk to me? Can't relaTE

Yahaba: oh shnap what a blow

Kageyama: yeah sakusa san ignored u the whole training camp and now he’s still ignoring u on the group chat

Atsumu: YA KNOW WHAT KAGEYAMA NO ONE ASKED YA

Suga: my kouhai doing me proud (*´˘`*)

Shirabu: wow I wish my senpai would praise me like that ahem

Yahaba: I wish my senpai wasn't so hopeless

Oikawa: EXCUSE U WHAT DO U MEAN BY THAT

Yahaba: ur not being a good role model. U don't admit ur feelings

Atsumu: BWAHAHAHAHA

Kenma: all of you are hopeless

Akaashi: ^^

Suga: Lmao true we kinda are

Futakuchi: does anyone else in here actually have their sh*t together? Semi and shirabu dont count bc theyre smth else

Kageyama: i do

Suga: no u really dont

Kageyama: i think i do?

Suga: ,,,no u really dont. calling someone boke as a term of endearment is,,,questionable at best

Kageyama: oh

Yahaba: yeah no one here has their sh*t together

Atsumu: at least some of ya r childhood friends

Kenma: yeah and

Oikawa: we’re ur cliche dont-wanna-ruin-the-friendship peeps
Oikawa: i for one think that tobio chan and pretty owl chan have the highest chances

Kenma: yeah akaashi bokuto stares at u w heart eyes

Akaashi: no he does not

Oikawa: and chibi chan looks at tobio chan like he hangs the stars or smth it’s disguSTING he’s got him wrapped around his little finger istg

Semi: u guys r all rlly obvious lol

Suga: yeah no none of us can rlly hide it tbh

Yahaba: i wanna say it’s a setter curse but then there’s semi and shirabu

Futakuchi: lol i have been forgotten?

Yahaba: ur not a setter but wAIT do u have ur sh*t together??

Kageyama: yeah he does

Futakuchi: HOW’D U KNOW

Kageyama: hinata is friends with aone?

Futakuchi: oh yeah that’d make sense

Yahaba: welp Futakuchi isn’t a setter anyways SO SETTER CURSE STILL A THING

Suga: pretty sure it’s only applicable when said setter likes someone who isn’t a setter

Shirabu: nah u guys just suck

Semi: SAYS YOU

Shirabu: ????
Shirabu: wdym i LITERALLY CONFESSED

Semi: no u did NOT

Yahaba: lmao this is funny to witness

Shirabu: AFTER PRACTICE. I SAID

Semi: AFTER PRACTICE U YELLED AT ME “I HATE U GO OUT WITH ME”

Futakuchi: ahjkjgdkfsj this is hilarious

Suga: sounds like something kageyama would do too

Akaashi: if he does that i feel sorry for hinata

Kenma: me too

Kageyama: i would not do that

Oikawa: lmfao yes u absolutely would u spend half ur time trying to attack him
Oikawa: but on that note mad dog chan would totally confess to u like that yahaba ;))

Yahaba: shUt UP

11:43

Akaashi: I just read a thing where they described eyes as "seeing balls"

Oikawa: o r b s

Futakuchi: S w i v e l y o r b i e s

Oikawa: e m e r a l d o r b s

Kenma: Seeing balls

Kageyama: I’m not even gonna ask

Suga: Good

Semi: The smart choice here

Yahaba: anyone here use spotify

Semi: i think most of us do

Kageyama: i use soundcloud

Kenma: i use both

Atsumu: AND I JUST GOT THE HORNY CLOWN AD ON SPOTIFY JESUS Y
Atsumu: i'd like to say this ain't the first time either i keep gettin it and it's annoyin as hell

Oikawa: LMAO U GET THE SEDUCTIVE MCDONALD'S ADS ON SPOTIFY?
Oikawa: I JUST GET VISA ADS??

Atsumu: SPOTIFY THINKS IM A HORN DOG IDK?

Akaashi: spotify isn't wrong

Kenma: ^^

Futakuchi: LMFAOOOO

Atsumu: SPOTIFY f*ckIN LOOKED AT MY MUSIC AND WENT "YEA THIS BITCH DOWN TO CLOWN"

Futakuchi: DOWN FOR THEM Q U A R T E R P O U N D E R S

Oikawa: J U I C Y QUARTER POUNDER

Yahaba: yikes imagine a hot sweaty quarterpounder

Semi: Hot sweaty quarter pounders

Futakuchi: That sounds dosgusting

Akaashi: I will cry

Suga: Its McDonald's of course its disgusting

Futakuchi: Me to ur Spotify ads atsumu: loluwildkeepgoingtho

Yahaba: LMAO

Kenma: They're truly awful

Futakuchi: I can imagine the shock when ur vibing w some nice music then DEEP VOICE SAYING BA DA BA BA BaAaAaaa

Atsumu: EXACTLY

Kageyama: that sounds horrifying

Akaashi: ^^^

Atsumu: ‘m like vibin to some polkadot stingray and keytalk and I get a HORNY CLOWN? NO THANK YOU

Oikawa: SPOTIFY THINKS UR DOWN FOR HORNY CLOWNNNN

Shirabu: Who isn’t

Semi: kenjirou what

Shirabu: i mean who is?*

Yahaba: Horny for clowns on main lol

Atsumu: im not I promise

Oikawa: Spotify thinks u r tho

Atsumu: I'm actually not sure what that says about me
And my music taste

Suga: Who knowsss

Futakuchi: Ur horny for clowns and want that juicy juicy quarter pounder??

Atsumu: im guessin it means my music taste is "down for hot clown sex" but still
Atsumu: Lmao yea

Shirabu: Okay so something new we've discovered bc i just got the damn ad:
The clowns voice is husky as f*ck

Semi: Want a “juicy juicy quarter pounder” is starting to sound like something else

Semi: The more juicys you add, the worse it is

Suga: as one of the only other sane mothers in this house semi i wholeheartedly agree

Semi: ty very much

Atsumu: IT IS HUSKY THO
Atsumu: THE f*ckIN CLOWN

Futakuchi: lmao wtf?

Atsumu: IT HUSKY AS f*ck LIKE WHAT KINDA CLOWN

Kageyama: can we not talk about horny clowns anymore plz

Suga: yeah u guys should go to sleep

Kenma: what is sleep

Yahaba: ^^

Kageyama: ^^^^^

Shirabu: why sleep when u can binge watch till morning

Oikawa: valid i do that too

Yahaba: yeah but u binge watch volleyball matches
Yahaba: we actually watch shows

Oikawa: IM STILL BINGE WATCHING SOMETHING

1:07 AM

Atsumu: I saw a thing where it said that Klaus stans are gay and sad and honestly yeah that sums me up

Kenma: YEP

Shirabu: 5 stans are gay and salty
Shirabu: And that's me

Suga: Lmao yes

Oikawa: One big happy familyyyyy

Atsumu: Ayeeeeee

Kageyama: u guys watch tua?

Yahaba: only the first season so far but luther reminds me of my first impression of atsumu on this chat can i just say

Atsumu: WHAT WHY

Akaashi: thinks they’re the best and simultaneously pisses off a lot of people?

Atsumu: yikes when u put it like that,,,

Kageyama: I think we’re all a little bit Klaus tho

Kenma: gay and sad sums up too many people in this chat

Akaashi: ngl so does gay and salty

Oikawa: in this house we're either gay and sad or gay and salty take ur pick

Yahaba: ok but have u seen the loaf song

Kageyama: loaf song?

Yahaba: the one by aiden gallagher who plays five

Semi: he has a loaf song?

Suga: omg i’ve seen that

Shirabu: that video scared me ngl i refuse to believe the kid in that video and five are the same person

Futakuchi: it’s kinda terrifying just gotta say

Oikawa: LOOOOAF LOAFFFFF

Atsumu: LOAF 🍞✨ BY LOAF 🍞😻 LOAF 🍞💀 LOAF 🍞😼 LOAF 🍞😖 BY LAURV 😤🔪 LOAF 🍞😁 LOAF 🍞👄 LOAF 🍞🙄 BY LOAF 🍞😚

Suga: here’s the link if you wanna watch it: link

Oikawa: he saw the guitar and said THIS IS MY BITCH NOW

Futakuchi: he really went all out with that cursive singing

Suga: not just cursive he’s singing in italics and bold too

Semi: oh wow that’s,,,something

Kageyama: yikes someone get him some bread

Yahaba: IKR SOMEONE PLZ GIVE THE BOY SOME B R E A D

2:27 AM

Oikawa: FML I JUST GOT THE HORNY CLOWN AD
Oikawa: I WANNA CRY
Oikawa: STOPPPP
Oikawa: TSUMU CHAN U CURSED ME

Atsumu: AHAHAHA JOIN ME

Oikawa: I WAS VIBING TO THE KAGEROU PROJECT AND THEN THIS MONSTROSITY

Atsumu: ITS COME FOR YA TOO
Atsumu: BA DA BA BA BAaAAaaa

Oikawa: DISGUSTANG
Oikawa: ITS SO UNNECESSARILY SEXY
Oikawa: I DON'T WANT HORNY CLOWN ADS NOOOOO

Chapter 3

Chapter Text

4:21 AM

Kageyama: to anyone else why were they talking about clowns at 2 am

Kenma: bc they're weirdos

Yahaba: also like. theyve got problems

Shirabu: they're disgusting

Kenma: oikawa and atsumu being in the same place irl would be horrifying

Shirabu: they would terrorize everyone and then terrorize each other

Yahaba: no one is safe once Oikawa finds a bi more disastrous than him

Kageyama: i am kinda terrified

Kenma: as you should be
Kenma: let's hope we never all meet in person

Shirabu: especially not with all our teams

Yahaba: lmao Oikawa would flat out cry if he saw ushijima

Yahaba: w that "yoU shOULD'vE cOmE to ShiRatOriZaWa" spiel

Kageyama: i kinda wanna see that happen

Kenma: ^^ sounds fun

Shirabu: when u say flat out r u referring to his flat ass as well

Yahaba: LMAOOOO

Yahaba: oml yes oikawa the flat ass

Kageyama: do u use honorifics for ur upperclassmen?

Shirabu: only if they deserve it

Kenma: not rlly no

Yahaba: at school maybe, anywhere else...no?

Shirabu: ur kinda two-faced

Yahaba: wOW U tAKE THAT BACK

Shirabu: never.

5:54 AM

Suga: why were u guys up so late

Yahaba: I mean I woke up at 4 to do hw so technically I did sleep
Yahaba: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Shirabu: Oikawa would u want a bee up ur flat ass

Oikawa: I absolutely would not

Semi: Good choice

Oikawa: can I ask why???

Akaashi: I'm so glad we're revisiting this topic
Akaashi: Because we obviously need to talk about this

Semi: We really do

Shirabu: Who here is most likely to do that anyways

Oikawa: bruh why is no one answering my question-

Yahaba: crawl up someone's ass??? uh not it

Oikawa: I think it's 100% atsumu

Atsumu: scuse me
Atsumu: That’s insultin

Oikawa: doesn't make u any less of a stinky bee. I rest my case

Shirabu: then u would be a squirrel bc they're dumb and get run over all the time

Yahaba: lmao yeah he's dumb for sure

Semi: yeah but aren't squirrels resourceful tho?

Atsumu: compare oikawa's level of thirst for Iwaizumi with horny rabbits and you've got him down perfectly

Yahaba: GODDAMN WOW UR SPOT ON

Oikawa: TSUMU CHAN WTF (　☉д⊙)

Futakuchi: me over here gaining a couple more brain cells every time someone insults atsumu or oikawa

Yahaba: especially if they insult each other

Suga: quality content right there

Semi: ^^^

7:12 AM

Oikawa: this is completely irrelevant but i found this video and it describes tsumu chan tryin to flirt w sakusa P E R F E C T L Y
Oikawa: link

Kageyama: it's like being at the all Japan youth nationals all over again

Atsumu:...

Futakuchi: LMFAO

Semi: AHAHA

Akaashi: Kageyama please never change

Kenma: the accuracy is sad

Yahaba: ^

Atsumu:...

Suga: unfortunately he doesn't even have a hiccup to help him out

Atsumu:...

Oikawa: no words hm?

Atsumu: blinkinggif

Semi: I think he's broken

Atsumu: LAKSJDAF;Jjl

Yahaba: uh what

Atsumu: WHAT DID YA DUMS SEND THAT'S MAKIN MY LESSER TWIN ROLL ON THE FLOOR LAUGHIN

Suga: pfftttt AHAH

Kenma: i was wondering why he was so silent

Atsumu: F U OIKAWA

Oikawa: NO THX UR NOT IWA CHAN

Suga: lmao u guys rn kageyama is on his phone laughing and hinata asked him if he finally found friends and kageyama’s face turned beet red and he threw hinata halfway across the gym

Akaashi: yikes

Kenma: tell kageyama i will hurt him

Kageyama: im sorry i didn’t mean to throw him

Suga: he’s not wrong, it’s more or less become instinct for him to chuck hinata across the room whenever he’s embarrassed

Oikawa: also yikes

Atsumu: NOW ALL OF MY TEAMMATES R MAKIN FUN OF ME THX U GUYS

Oikawa: lmao ur welcome my good setter

7:56 PM

Futakuchi: Moonshine is a type of alcohol right

Atsumu: Yes

Futakuchi: Wanna share some

Shirabu: Definitely yes

Atsumu: Hell yes

Futakuchi: hallelujah i need more drinking friends
Futakuchi: i love aone and all but he has ZERO tolerance so i cant get properly wasted w him :((

Shirabu: can relate
Shirabu: semi can't hold his drink either its disappointing

Suga: u guys are...in high school. wtf?

Kageyama: suga san maybe it's best to leave them be

9:38

Oikawa: Would you rather be a mackerel or a hatrack

Futakuchi: Uh
Futakuchi: Mackerel?

Yahaba: U wanna be eaten??

Futakuchi: Yes.

Atsumu: Absolutely.

Yahaba: Lmao nice

Akaashi: was that an indirect bungou stray dogs reference or are my eyes hallucinating again

Oikawa: that was def a bsd reference ty for catching on pretty owl chan

Suga: am i the only person worried by "or are my eyes hallucinating again"

Akaashi: dont worry it's not a problem

Kenma: he just doesnt sleep sometimes and his eyes die

Kenma: one time he texted me in the morning when his eyes were dead and said "i think i just saw 4 bokutos i don't think i can handle being banged by 4 bokutos at once"

Kageyama: akaashi san u scare me a little bit

Akaashi: i scare myself too sometimes

Kenma: never take him drinking

Akaashi: please never take me drinking

Oikawa: well now im intriuged

Futakuchi: ngl me too i wanna see what akaashi is like drunk

Akaashi: u really dont want to see it

3:27 AM

Kageyama: My window just opened
Kageyama: I am scard

Yahaba: Uh kageyama u good?

Kageyama: Why did my window ope

Kenma: You're haunted probably
Kenma: I wonder if I could become a ghost and haunt other people too

Shirabu: why are our conversations on this chat so weird

Akaashi: ur asking this now? after we deadass spent 20 minutes talking about horny clowns the other night?

Shirabu: well . i can understand horny clowns

Kageyama: what

Akaashi: what, r u the horny clown?

Shirabu: SKG;ALASLKSF NO

Kenma: or r u into horny clown. bc if so. feelsbad for semi

Shirabu:

Kageyama: ur lack of an answer scares me im going to sleep bye bye

5:42 AM

Semi: what the actual f*ck Kenjirou

Oikawa: PFFTTTT AHAAHAHAHAHA

Semi: i. have no words.

Oikawa: on clowns tho, , , maybe u should watch the Killer Klowns from Outer Space movie w him!!

Atsumu: sounds like a monstrosity lol

Oikawa: not as much of a monstrosity as u tsumu chan !

Atsumu: pot callin the kettle black much?

Semi: I think i've seen that movie before

Yahaba: when i first watched it it gave me nightmares
Yahaba: there's this one scene when debbie is in her house and the tiny clown snakes things jump out at her and ughhhhhh i hated it

Kageyama: I thought the scene with the bloody bodies inside the cotton candy was yucky

Semi: ugh yeah that scene was a bit gross

Oikawa: yeah BUT THEYRE ALIENS!! ALIENS ALIENS ALIENS 👽👽👽

Atsumu: if u like aliens so much why dont we send ya to space

Yahaba: oh no Atsumu dont encourage him
Yahaba: actually he wouldn't leave without iwaizumi san anyways
Yahaba: he's too clingy to leave his boyfie behind on earth

Oikawa: alas! he will never be my boyfie bc iwa chan will never love me back T_T

Yahaba: ...

Suga: Oikawa I can and will come over to ur school and slap you istg

Yahaba: yes please do

Semi: ^^

Shirabu: ^^^^^

Atsumu: ^^^^^^^^

Futakuchi: yes pls slap him we all need it to be done

Oikawa: why r u guys bullying meeeee

Akaashi: because you deserve it

Futakuchi: and bc it's fun

Kenma: can't argue with those points

Kageyama: ^^

1:42 AM

Oikawa: screenshot1
Oikawa: Yo my pirates of the Caribbean soulmate is will turner

Atsumu: WHAT THATS MY BOY

Suga: HAHA

Atsumu: Ya CANT TAKE MY BOY LIKE THAT

Oikawa: I JUST DID ALSO ATSUMU UR A LIBRA RIGHT

Atsumu: ...yes
Atsumu: If I get Davey Jones istg im murderin yer ass oikawa

Oikawa: … :))
Oikawa: screenshot2

Astumu: FML

Oikawa: LMAOOOOO

Atsumu: I f*ckIN kNEW IT I HATE IT HERE

Suga: pffttt ahahaha

Oikawa: this quiz thinks atsumu is into tentacles and i think we all agree he is

Akaashi: if he is im sorry for sakusa

Suga: honestly we all are

Atsumu: I will have y'all know that he unblocked me yesterday

Kageyama: he also said that it was an accident and blocked u again?

Atsumu: YANNO WHAT KAGEYAMA

Kageyama: plz don't hurt me I'm a good boy :DD

3:41 AM

Yahaba: has oikawa ever mentioned how much he loves pingu

Shirabu: what

Kageyama: what

Kenma:...

Yahaba: one time at like the middle of the day i was in literature class and i open my phone and see THIS: buffpingu
Yahaba: W THE CAPTION: “doesn’t that look like my iwa-chan?”

Shirabu: wow gay

Yahaba: wow who’s the one here w a boyfriend?? you?

Kageyama: i feel kinda bad for iwaizumi san for putting up w oikawa san

Kenma: yeah me too

Akaashi: my eyes hurt

Kenma: again?

Akaashi: but i dont want to get up
Akaashi: it should be fine

Kenma: ur gonna die if u keep doing this

Kageyama: ouch

Kenma: one day u will wake up bleeding excessively and then not get help and then you’re going to die and I’m going to be at ur funeral saying “i f*cking told u so”

Shirabu: the longest message he’s ever sent lmao

Akaashi: wow. okay.

Yahaba: dw akaashi i have faith in ur survival skills

Kenma: more like a lack thereof

Akaashi: says the person who doesn’t sleep

Kenma: yeah well at least I survive the day

Akaashi: i do too

Kenma: huh yeah sure tell that to all the thirsty texts u send to poor unsuspecting ppl like me

Akaashi: i’ll have u know ur the only person who gets those

Kenma: how unlucky

Akaashi: u deserve it

Yahaba: (yikes should we go)

Shirabu: (nah this is funny)

Kageyama: (u just want the clout dont u)

Shirabu: (shhhh)

Akaashi: u guys do realize we can see all ur texts

Kenma: ^^ yeah

Kageyama: lol

Yahaba: yeah shirabu kinda slow to the take

Shirabu: OH REALLY?

Yahaba: yEP

5:18 AM

Semi: lmao living for akaashi and kenma passive aggressively shading each other

Suga: ^^ city kids are wild

Kenma: we’re not wild we’re just

Akaashi: dead
Akaashi: im dead. My eyes are burning. Fml i see three of me in the mirror

Futakuchi: do u need glasses??

Akaashi: at this point. People’s faces look blurry if i'm standing more than a meter away. So yes. probly

Kenma: that’s what u get

Semi: im curious as to why u were up so late tho

Kenma: he was watching recordings of f*ckurodani matches

Suga: ,,,uh why

Akaashi: bokuto is bueaitufl
Akaashi: y eles

Semi: yikes ok then

Kenma: u see what i have to put up w?

Futakuchi: lmao i thought akaashi was one of the sane ones

Suga: yeah same

Semi: ^^

Kenma: u all thought wrong

Chapter 4

Chapter Text

9:51 PM

Kenma: anyone up for among us

Oikawa: OMG YES ALIEN BABIES

Suga:,,,they’re not,,,aliens?

Atsumu: yea theyre lil ppl in spacesuits oikawa whatre u on

Oikawa: they look like aliens to me lol

Shirabu: well that’s bc ur blind

Yahaba: true in fact oikawa wears glasses

Kageyama: wait what

Oikawa: yeah I wear glasses so what CMON WHAT'S THE CODE

Akaashi: shouldn't we figure out who can play first

Futakuchi: I can play

Semi: ^^

Shirabu: ^^

Yahaba: ^^

Atsumu: ^^

Kageyama: I don't know how to

Suga: u guys can start first I'm gonna try and help kageyama get it on his laptop

Kenma: k
Kenma: code is XXXXXX

Atsumu: that's real f*ckin ominous

Futakuchi: lmao I didn't know u could use big words

Atsumu: what's that supposed to mean

Futakuchi: absolutely nothing

Yahaba: smooth futakuchi real smooth

Akaashi: we're all in

IMPOSTERS ARE SEMI (pink) AND AKAASHI (yellow)

futakuchi (dark green) is crewmate
oikawa (cyan) is crewmate
yahaba (light green) is crewmate
shirabu (purple) is crewmate
kenma (red) is crewmate
atsumu (brown) is crewmate

DEAD BODY REPORTED BY RED

dead: Yahaba, Shirabu

in chat:

Akaashi: where

Futakuchi: where

Kenma: found shirabu in hallway outside storage, near electrical

Atsumu: I saw oikawa in electrical earlier

Oikawa: I WAS FIXING WIRES

Semi: defensive now are we?

Oikawa: I DID NOTJING

Akaashi: u sound vry sus

Oikawa: I. WHAT. I WAS LITERALLY FIXING THE WIRES

Semi has voted (5 remaining)

Atsumu: honestly yea

Atsumu has voted (4 remaining)

Oikawa: u guys know what I'm skipping

Kenma: hm but I did see semi double back from storage when I was doing wires in admin

Kenma has voted (3 remaining)

Futakuchi: yikes okay

Futakuchi: wait isn't yahaba dead too

Oikawa: oml yeah I forgot about him

Atsumu: can u guys plz vote already

Akaashi: if it isn't Oikawa then mb vote semi next round

Akaashi has voted (2 remaining)

Oikawa has voted (1 remaining)

Futakuchi has voted (0 remaining)

Results: oikawa-😶😶😶 semi-😶😶 skipped-😶

Oikawa was not An Imposter. Two imposters remain

dead people chat:

Shirabu: SEMI F*** YOU

Shirabu: I THOUGHT WE WERE PALS

Shirabu: U LITERAL TRAITOR I HATE U

Yahaba: gee calm down a lil won't u

Shirabu: I'M PISSED

Yahaba: yeah I can TELL

Yahaba: I straight up went into storage and didn't even get to find the wires before AKAASHI SNAPPED MY NECK

Shirabu: I was coming out of electrical like one does and tHEn he PULLS OUT A GUN AND SHOOTS ME

two minutes later…

DEAD BODY REPORTED BY YELLOW

dead: red

in chat:

Semi: where

Atsumu: where

Akaashi: security. And I saw atsumu running from it

Atsumu: I WAS GOIN FROM THE REACTOR TO THE CAFeteria

Futakuchi: sounds sus

Akaashi: yeah

Futakuchi has voted (3 remaining)

Akaashi has voted (2 remaining)

Atsumu: M NOT THE IMPOSTER ISTG

Semi: lol too late

Semi has voted (1 remaining)

Atsumu: ugh y'all suck

Atsumu has voted (0 remaining)

Results: Atsumu-😶😶😶 skipped-😶

Atsumu was not An Imposter. Two Imposters remain

dead people chat:

Oikawa: lmao akaashi and semi r playing them good

Kenma: I'm going to destroy him next round I swear

Yahaba: u got killed by akaashi too?

Kenma: yes I hate him

Shirabu: can't hate him as much as I hate semi

Shirabu: WHO SHOT ME IN THE HEAD

Kenma: well I was stabbed by the stomach spikey

Yahaba: oh yikes that's painful

DEFEAT (the imposters won)

10:09 PM

Akaashi: hah

Atsumu: ISTG I TOLD U I WAS GOIN FROM REACTOR

Oikawa: I TOLD U I WAS DOING WIRES

Kenma: that trick w the lights akaashi I hate u

Akaashi: no u don't

Kenma: yes I do

Yahaba: I know I hate akaashi dude snapped MY NECK THE MOMENT. I WENT INTO STORAGE. I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO START MY TASK.

Futakuchi: lmao loving how I never got killed. Gg

Semi: yeah well we won so. Gg you guys

Shirabu: terrible game*

Kenma: ^^

Yahaba: ^^

Atsumu: ^^^^^^^

Suga: we finished setting up is the code still the same?

Kenma: yeah it's XXXXXX

Kageyama: thx

Suga: ty

IMPOSTERS ARE SUGA (white) AND KAGEYAMA (dark blue)

futakuchi (dark green) is crewmate
oikawa (cyan) is crewmate
yahaba (light green) is crewmate
shirabu (purple) is crewmate
kenma (red) is crewmate
atsumu (brown) is crewmate
semi (pink) is crewmate
akaashi (yellow) is crewmate

EMERGENCY MEETING CALLED BY CYAN

in chat:

Semi: what

Yahaba: what

Akaashi: ?

Shirabu: it hasn't even been a minute wtf I was in the middle of a download

Oikawa has voted (9 remaining)

Oikawa: TOBIO CHAN VENTED

Kageyama: what's a vent

Suga: he just got the game I doubt he even knows how to navigate the screen

Futakuchi: much less vent lmao

Atsumu: lol yeah he was wanderin round like he didnt know the controls

Yahaba: im skipping?

Kenma: same

Suga has voted (8 remaining)

Akaashi: honestly yeah

Kenma has voted (7 remaining)

Akaashi has voted (6 remaining)

Oikawa: I STRAIGHT UP SAW HIM VENT

Atsumu: yer hallucinatin ya dum

Atsumu has voted (5 remaining)

Kageyama: do I click the skipped button to vote it

Futakuchi: hE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO VOTE

Yahaba: yeah skip button

everyone has voted. (0 remaining)

Results: Kageyama-😶 Oikawa-😶😶😶 skipped-😶😶😶😶😶😶

No one was ejected. Two Imposters remain

10 minutes later…

DEFEAT (the imposters won)

10:23 PM

Oikawa: I TOLD U GUYS IT WAS TOBIO CHAN

Atsumu: GOODY TWO SHOES SHOT ME WTF

Futakuchi: yikes suga was scary good tho

Yahaba: lmao yeah while I was a ghost I saw as he brutally murdered futakuchi in cafe, vent to admin, then sabotaged comms and ran back there then killed semi the moment he walked in

Akaashi: honestly do not know how that's possible

Semi: yeah how'd u wait the cooldown

Suga: easy. Killed futakuchi, vented to admin and waited for cooldown while checking out the admin device to see who was where
Suga: sabotaged comms knowing that semi was nearby and the others were all the way in reactor or medbay
Suga: ran to comms just in time for cooldown to be over, kill semi, me and Kageyama won.

Kageyama: I rlly didn't know how to vent tho

Oikawa: I think the funniest part was wheN KAGEYAMA KILLED ATSUMU IN FRONT OF ME, VENTED AWAY, AND I REPORTED IT ONLY FOR SUGA TO ACCUSE ME FIRST BC HE WAS ALSO THERE APPARENTLY

Kageyama: yeah sorry I didnt see u there
Kageyama: but fr i jumped into the vent and didnt know where to go

Shirabu: Out of the 8 of us crewmates suga killed like 4 ppl wtf
Shirabu: like when we were doing o2, he was there first and I f*ckING THOUGHt he was helping BUT NO HE SNAPS MY NECK AND THEN RUNS AWAY

Suga: \\(*＾＾*)//

Oikawa: how did NO ONE suspect him

Semi: I mean u were acting sus a lot oikawa

Futakuchi: lovin the one part where kageyama asked “how u vent like light blu did” and wE ALL VOTED OIKAWA

Oikawa: TOBIO CHAN OMG I HATE U

Kageyama: :))

Kenma: I thought it was akaashi again so I tailed him then when lights were out and kageyama snapped my neck

Kageyama: I didn't mean to

Kenma: yes u absolutely did
Kenma: and by the time lights were back on kageyama was GONE and u guys all thought it was akaashi bc he was standing over my dead body

Yahaba: I'm impressed that both imposters stayed alive tho

Futakuchi: lmao so suga killed me, semi, shirabu, and yahaba?

Kenma: yeah and kageyama killed me and atsumu

Oikawa: both me and pretty owl chan were falsely accused and ejected Ó╭╮Ò

Atsumu: yer too good

Kageyama: no u guys just suck

Suga: ^^^

1:17 AM

Shirabu: fml I forgot I have literature hw due tmrw

Shirabu: I FORGOT TO DO THE ENTIRE ESSAY

Kenma: well if that isn’t a mood

Yahaba: FML WE WERE PLAYING AMONG US FOR SO LONG I FORGOT MY MATH HW

Kageyama: lol sucks to be u two

Shirabu: fml i hate hw

Yahaba: yeah we’re high schoolers tho we all hate hw

Yahaba: but fr I'm gonna need to pull an all nighter for this ugh I completely forgot it

Kenma: idk how kuroo is such a nerd
Kenma: and it's like,,, oddly sexy
Kenma: like he was scolding me for not eating breakfast and then he started talking all sciencey about how I need protein to build enzymes and bind w substrates or smth it was rlly hot

Yahaba: …

Shirabu: …

Akaashi: I present to u guys 1 AM thirsty kenma

Shirabu: he wasnt like this the other night

Akaashi: well rn his new game is still installing and when he isn't gaming all he thinks about is kuroo

Yahaba: so ur saying that every other time we were talking to him he was normal bc he was gaming?

Akaashi: yeah

Kageyama: r all city people like that

Kenma: u know what shines brighter than the night city lights?

Yahaba: ,,, uh no

Kenma: kuroos sweat after a long game

Shirabu: can I plz bleach my eyes

Kageyama: I thought kenma was normal tho

Akaashi: no one is normal

Yahaba: yeah I see that now

3:47 AM

Kenma has deleted 5 messages

Yahaba: wot

Kageyama: I can't see the messages he sent now

Shirabu: well that's cuz HE DELETED THEM

Akaashi: I have screenshots tho

Kenma: you delete those right now

Akaashi: I do not see

6:52 AM

Oikawa: IT IS CURRENTLY 6 52 IN THE MORN AND JUST NOW IN THE MIDDLE OF EARLY PRACTICE YAHABA TOLD MAD DOG CHAN THAT “ I love u but can u not rn” BECAUSE HE ACCIDENTALLY KNOCKED INTO HIM AND HE WAS SHOUTING AND NOW FHLAI:SJdRKJSDLF;KA’FG

Suga: oop-

Shirabu: hAH

Yahaba: NO THAT NEVER HAPPENED

Futakuchi: y do i feel like ur lying

Yahaba: i wanna die WELP GONNA DIE IWAIZUMI SAN IS COMIN OVER BYE

Oikawa: hi this is iwaizumi sry for all the trouble this sh*thead has caused but he’s 100% right yahaba did happen now we need to go practice so he’ll ttyl

Shirabu: hah yahaba’s got guts

Futakuchi: lmfao good luck to seijoh’s disaster setters

Suga: i wanna say i feel bad but i started laughing and now daichi looks mad byEee y’all

12:23 PM

Kageyama: idk how much u guys care about this topic but sakusa san and atsumu are actually getting along in the the nationals gc right now

Yahaba: I am genuinely surprised

Semi: how what when where why?

Kageyama: …
Kageyama: I was mistaken. it was Komori san texting from Sakusa san’s phone

Oikawa: BWAHAHa

Akaash: who exactly is in that group chat

Kageyama: me, atsumu, komori and sakusa san, and hoshiumi san

Suga: didnt u and sakusa start off on a bad start? I feel like u told us at practice that one time…

Atsumu: lmfao yea tobio kun called him “normal” or smth i wasn’t there to witness it but komori laughs bout it a lot

Semi: yikes u called one of the top spikers in japan normal?

Kageyama: i make a lot of poor choices
Kageyama: we're kinda okay now though

Atsumu: at least he talks to ya

Semi: f in the chat for poor atsumu

Shirabu: nah

Futakuchi: ^^

Oikawa: atsumu doesn't deserve our pity ୧( ಠ Д ಠ )୨

Akaashi: says the one in love w his childhood friend

Suga: oh yipes that's gotta hurt

Oikawa: loTs oF pEoPLe faLL iN LoVe wiTh thEiR chiLdHoOd fRieNd tho

Futakuchi: to be fair none of them are as disastrous as u

Suga: just realized that Yahaba hasn't been on since morning?

Oikawa: OMG THAT'S WHAT I WAS GONNA TELL U GUYS

Shirabu: wtf?

Futakuchi: ??

Kageyama: [•.•ิ]

Oikawa: YAHABA DRAGGED MAD DOG CHAN TO THE FAR BUILDING SIDE AFTER PRACTICE AND I HAVEN'T SEEN THEM SINCE

Semi: who would've thunk yahaba was a top?

Shirabu: not me

Akaashi: or he’s a brat but we’ll never know

Oikawa: , , , o k i j u s t s aw t h e m a g a i n and th e y’re GASP! HOLDING HANDS

Suga: aw that’s cute

Oikawa: yahaba channn when u read this consider it revenge for all the times u exposed me tyyy

2:41 PM

Yahaba:...

Yahaba: should i be surprised

Kenma: its the dumbass grand king u shouldn’t be

Chapter 5

Chapter Text

9:32 PM

Astumu: Oikawa can i just say
Atsumu: i literally voted for u not even bc i knew it was you
Atsumu: i hate how good my instincts are
Atsumu: BC THEN U KILLED ME
Atsumu: BC YA KNEW THAT I KNEW
Atsumu: OIKAWA
Atsumu: I LEGIT MY INSTINCTS
Atsumu: MY GUT FEELS
Atsumu: MY BUTT VIBES
Atsumu: THEY KNOW TOO MUCH
Atsumu: I HATE EBERYTHIN

Oikawa: LMAO
Oikawa: that’s what you get~~

Atsumu: U SUC

Oikawa: only on saturdays :P

9:56 PM

Oikawa: TSUMU CHAN I HATE YOU SO MUCH
Oikawa: I'm haunting your ass so hard
Oikawa: my ghost is UP your ass dude
Oikawa: Its farther up your ass than stalins hand was in Hitler
Oikawa: "Finish your tasks"
Oikawa: I'm gonna kick your ass so hard dude

Atsumu: HAHAHA

Semi: lmfao do you guys not have a private chat

Oikawa: i’m too lazy to private when this chat is clearly available
Oikawa: BUT U GOT CAUGHT ANYWAYS TSUMU CHAN IN UR FACE

Atsumu: i just wanted to kill ya it don’t matter if i get caught

Oikawa: biTCH

Futakuchi: do you two just play among us by yourselves or smth

Atsumu: nah we play w strangers online

Oikawa: tis very fun :DD

8:41 AM

Semi: unpopular opinions go

Akaashi: bokuto is number one spiker

Atsumu: wHAT

Akaashi: did i f*cking stutter

Atsumu: fine mine is gonna be that akaashi is secretly a serial killer or smth

Kenma: to be fair ur probly right
Kenma: also unpopular opinion is middle blockers are the best

Osamu: can support ^^

Oikawa: the spider from james and the giant peach was hot

Suga: excuse me what

Futakuchi: lmfao wtf??

Semi: oikawa has some wild takes but my take is that teNDOU NEEDS TO CONFESS PROPERLY

Shirabu: f*cking hell ur right

Akaashi: context?

Semi: they're both literal monsters and ushijima is kinda a brick ngl so tendou needs to confess

Suga: tendou like the red haired blocker?

Shirabu: that's the bitch

Oikawa: wait someone actually likes ushijima
Oikawa: I cannot believe this blasphemy

Shirabu: i mean ushijima is the only one who’ll put up w tendou

Semi: tis a mystery how

3:42 PM

Shirabu: I just got landed in cleaning duty

Yahaba: hah u suck

Shirabu: twas the middle of class and I bullsh*tted a whole story to cover for my UNFINISHED ESSAY THAT WAS DUE TODAY NOT YESTERDAY

Kageyama: what story did u come up with

Futakuchi: and why did it fail so badly

Shirabu: my family have an annual conference where they dunk all the ppl under the age of 18 into a pool and whoever makes it out first has rights and I unfortunately did not make it out bc my younger cousins sabotaged me and I was left all alone in the pool until I finally woke up and it was time for school and my essay was not finished
Shirabu: she then questioned why my hair wasn't wet
Shirabu: and I asked her if she was so old she didn't know about the existence of hairdryers

Futakuchi: LMFAOOO

Shirabu: landed in cleaning duty by myself fml I can't even go to practice

Kenma: wow can't relate

Suga: ^^

Atsumu: m playin among us w my teammates bc our captain needed to step out AND MY DUM TWIN MURKED ME
Atsumu: HE LOCKED ME IN THE MEDBAY, KILLED ME, THEN VENTED AWAY

Akaashi: I'm assuming you deserved it

Atsumu: hi this is miya osamu I can confirm he did in fact deserve it

Oikawa: ur the better looking twin right

Atsumu added Osamu to the chat

Osamu: I am the better lookin twin yea

Kenma: the one without the pisscolored hair right

Osamu: Mhm

Semi: you're also like,,, mildly sane right

Osamu: some say I took all the brain cells in the womb

Atsumu: some being yer asshole of a boyfriend sunarin

Osamu: he's better than u tho

Atsumu: 🖕🖕I hate ya

Osamu: the feelins mutual

Shirabu: wait u just killed atsumu in among us right

Osamu: yea?

Shirabu: we're keeping you

Atsumu: scuse me?

Osamu: you've been excused ya degenerate

Futakuchi: hallelujah let's kick atsumu and keep this one i like him

Atsumu: WTF WHATR YA ON

Futakuchi: all in agreement say aye

Kenma: aye

Yahaba: aye

Shirabu: aye

Kageyama: aye

Suga: aye

Osamu: aye

Semi: aye

Akaashi: please

Oikawa: bye bye tsumu chan!!

Futakuchi has removed Atsumu from the chat

Oikawa: good riddance haha

Suga: yeah on that note I'm still curious why do u think the spider is hot?

Oikawa: SHE WEARS A BERET

Suga: ok and??

Oikawa: I LIKE WHAT I LIKE OKAY???

Osamu: lmao u seem like more of a disaster than tsumu is

Suga: yikes that is not a compliment

Kageyama: usually I'd agree but nothing beats atsumu trying to flirt with sakusa san

Futakuchi: from pingu to aliens to a f*cking spider from james and the giant peach

Akaashi: when will wonders ever cease

Semi: okay but I just looked up the spider and ngl I see where he's coming from but also…it's a spider

Semi: spider

Oikawa: SHE’S ALSO FRENCH AND LONELY AND NEEDS FRIENDS WHO ARENT SCARED OF HER

Yahaba: yikes sounds like ur describing urself but ur not french

Shirabu: she's got some nice boots tho

Oikawa: them heels are hot i love her sm

Kenma: I've seen akaashi pull off taller

Akaashi: what

Suga: what

Semi: what

Kageyama: what

Osamu: scuse me could ya repeat that

Kenma: akaashi has pulled off taller

Akaashi: when where how

Kenma: u can't fool me kuroo has pictures

Akaashi: fml

Suga: context? Please?

Kenma: maid cafe at f*ckurodanis school festival and akaashi had to wear heels w the costume

Akaashi: the heels werent too bad tbh

Oikawa: I probly could've worn them better!!

Yahaba: lmfao what a lie
Yahaba: he tried on heels once bc we were playing truth or dare after practice and immediately fell over and screamed so loudly but then

Oikawa: NO NO DON'T TELL THEM

Semi: please tell us

Akaashi: ^^

Suga: ^^

Kenma: ^^

Yahaba: so there was a big dog nearby and when he fell over and screamed the dog came running and I have never seen oikawa so scared as he tried to evade the dog in heels
Yahaba: (and then the dog rammed into him and he face planted)

Futakuchi: LMFAO NICE

Oikawa: I DID NOT FACE PLANT

Kageyama: I take it back oikawa san is more disastrous than atsumu

Osamu: u northerners are wack

Shirabu: says the one w the weird accent

Osamu: at least m not tsumu

Futakuchi: that is valid

Semi: when shirabu was a child he tripped over rocks at the beach and face planted into the rocks so oikawa ur not alone

Shirabu: I DID NOT GIVE CONSENT FOR U TO SHARE THAT

Osamu: tsumu used to dig up the lawn and look for ants to eat

Futakuchi: AHAHA

Kenma: can’t say im surprised

Akaashi: that explains the lack of braincells

Oikawa: pretty owl chan i have no idea who ur talking about rn but honestly valid

Suga: childhood stories are the best

Futakuchi: facts tho ^^

7:10 PM

Yahaba: tbh kinda miss making fun of atsumu to his face

Kageyama: should we add him back?

Oikawa: it’s barely been a day wdym

Yahaba: honestly we should kick u too and add in iwaizumi san

Kageyama: I support ^^

Suga: me too ヾ(＾-＾)ノ

Futakuchi: I think our answers are self explanatory

Oikawa: WAIT WHAT NO DON'T KICK ME PLZ

Suga: bye bye 👋

Oikawa: MR REFRESHING KUN WTF

Yahaba has removed Oikawa from the chat

Yahaba has added Iwaizumi to the chat

Iwaizumi: wait why what

Kageyama: hi Iwaizumi san

Iwaizumi: uh hi kageyama can someone explain to me y oikawa just sent yahaba to do laps for the rest of practice

Semi: scroll up

Iwaizumi: …oh i see
Iwaizumi: would love to stay and talk but I'm in like 5 other chats w lots of people so can u guys please remove me thank you

Suga: yeah np

Semi: nice talk

Semi has removed Iwaizumi from the chat

Futakuchi: on that note should we add atsumu back

Akaashi: is that rlly a good choice though

Suga: admittedly no

Shirabu: but it was fun making fun of him

Yahaba: that is valid

Kageyama: please add him back he won’t stop spamming me w messages

Osamu: he won’t stop yellin at me either
Osamu: I’ll just add him

Osamu has added Atsumu to the chat

Atsumu: all of ya are worse than that dumbass horny clown
Atsumu: BUT ALSO NEWS

Kageyama: is it about sakusa san

Atsumu: YEA
Atsumu: wait how’d ya know

Kageyama: bc komori san was telling me and hoshiumi san that sakusa san finally unblocked you fr

Suga: I’m kind of amazed

Futakuchi: congrats?

Akaashi: did sakusa get kidnapped or smth bc the real one would never do that

Osamu: yeah why would he willingly put up with this asshole

Atsumu: tHIS ASSHOLE WAS W YA IN THE WOMB

Osamu: shoulda killed ya in the womb too

Shirabu: that wouldve been greatly appreciated

Yahaba: a bit too late for that lmao

Kageyama: I just saw a llama

Suga: what?

Semi: ??

Futakuchi: a llama in miyagi?? That shouldnt be a thing

Kenma: a llama in japan shouldnt be a thing altogether

Kageyama: apologies hinata has just informed me that it isn’t a llama it’s a dog

Akaashi: do you need glasses too?

Kageyama: um hoping not
Kageyama: it might’ve been because Hinata’s sister just threw the volleyball at my head rlly hard
Kageyama: didn’t know little kids were strong

Kenma: hah

Yahaba: little kids are terrifying

Suga: uh how?

Osamu: when we were in junior high tsumu was bullied by an 8 yr old in the neighborhood

Atsumu: HE LITERALLY TRIED TO PUNCH ME WHEN I WAS MINDIN MY OWN BUSINESS
Atsumu: and he played f*ckin baseball
Atsumu: so when we played volleyball
Atsumu: he would chase me around the yard and try to chuck it at me full speed

Osamu: i’d laugh but i went through the same treatment a week later so

Yahaba: there was a little kid in my neighborhood with a pet bird and it listened to her and whenever someone she saw someone she didnt like SHE’D TELL THE BIRD “SIC EM” AND THEN THE BIRD WOULD ATTACK THEM

Futakuchi: were u attacked??

Yahaba: YES I f*ckING WAS

Shirabu: hah u suck

Yahaba: DO U KNOW HOW SCARY BIRDS CAN BE

Shirabu: birds aren’t scary

Yahaba: shirabu I will bust ur kneecaps using a bird

Semi: please go ahead

Shirabu: better start busting bitch

Chapter 6

Chapter Text

1:46 AM

Atsumu: ok what does my twin have that’s better than me

Osamu: for one, I can cook
Osamu: two, i dont have yer ugly pissed colored hair
Osamu: and three, ’m not an asshole

Suga: oh yikes

Futakuchi: wait you can cook

Osamu: yea i make lunch for us most days

Semi: what do u usually make

Atsumu: uh food?

Osamu: usually bentos
Osamu: sometimes onigiri

Atsumu: the onigiri is probably the best

Akaashi: plz marry me

Kenma: lmfao akaashi u onigiri simp

Osamu: i’ll marry you platonically for the tax benefits

Akaashi: I demand one onigiri a meal every day

Osamu: deal

Akaashi: 💛💛💛

Osamu: 💛💛💛

Akaashi: time to move to hyogo :))

Atsumu: 'm tellin yer boyfriend that ya got married

Osamu: go ahead (´。＿。｀) lmao

Kenma: akaashi r u doing this bc bokuto cant make rice

Akaashi: exactly
Akaashi: I need my onigiri
Akaashi: if that means I need to be a side hoe then so be it

Futakuchi: honestly valid

Yahaba: better an onigiri obsession than a milk bread one

Suga: hah that was on TV wasn't it

Yahaba: "Oikawa Tooru's favorite food is milk bread, his personal motto is 'if you're gonna hit it, then hit it til it breaks' "

Shirabu: oikawa is a basic bitch

Semi: we all been knew

Atsumu: wait where'd oikawa even go

Yahaba: we kicked him when u were kicked

Atsumu: r ya gonna add him back?

Semi: not as of rn I hope

Suga: yeah nope

Yahaba: I'm not adding him back but he just sent me a picture and I need to show it to u guys bc it's hilarious
Yahaba: picture

Atsumu:,,,

Osamu: LMFAO HAH

Futakuchi: AKGKSJHGS IT FITS SO WELL

Shirabu: ofc he looks like the f*cking bee

Suga: I'm slightly horrified but that's so funny I can't

Kenma: sucks to look bee a bee man

Akaashi: atsumu giving strong bee vibes over here and no one can relate

Semi: does that make him barry b benson

Futakuchi: atsubee??? lmao

Atsumu: bruh i sound like a konbini appliance wth

Oikawa: he's a BEEEE

Yahaba: Lmaooo astubee the bee boi

Atsumu: I literally hate y'all sm

Kageyama: I'm gonna send it to the nationals gc

Atsumu: TOBIO KUN DON'T YA DARE

Kageyama: (｡･ω･｡)

NATIONALS BOIS LET'S GO 三三ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

1:57 AM

Kageyama: picture
Kageyama: miya astubee the bee boi confirmed

Atsumu: TOBIO KUN STOP

Hoshiumi: BWAHAHAHAHAHA ATSUMU THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE
Hoshiumi: U ARE THE BEE

Komori: oml that's hilarious Barry's face fits so well

Sakusa: I want bleach

Atsumu: I want to be buried alive

Komori: don't you mean you want to bee buried alive?

Hoshiumi: BEELIEVE U CAN DO IT

Kageyama: don't bee sad that ur a bee

Atsumu: ISTG I WILL KILL ALL A Y'ALL

Sakusa: in ur dreams u disgusting bee

Hoshiumi: buzz buzz bitches BZzzZZzzZZzzz

Kageyama: 🐝🐝🐝 bee boi atsumu lol

Komori: Atsumu hitting on someone like "Hey baybee ya like jazz?"

Atsumu: S T O P

Sakusa: this is what you get for having piss colored hair

Atsumu: MY HAIR LOOKS FINE

Komori: it really don't

Kageyama: ^^

Hoshiumi: ^^^^ sry to break it to you but it sucks man

Sakusa: ur hair is only second to ur personality
Sakusa: both are horrendous

Atsumu: OH JEE THX OMI KUN

Sakusa: don't call me that

Komori: (keep calling him that hehe (￣∇￣))

Sakusa: komori u might be family but that doesn't mean I won't kill u

Komori: just trying to be of help (o´・Υ・)ﾉ･
Komori: (also go ahead and try)

The Pretty Setters + Futakuchi and mayhaps others

2:08 AM

Futakuchi: what's happening over on the nationals side?

Kageyama: we're making fun of Atsumu

Osamu: all is well w the world when ppl make fun of Atsumu

Kageyama: and now we're back to atsumu calling sakusa san "Omi kun" and komori san encouraging it

Atsumu: komori is the only bitch I can trust in this world

Kageyama: ,,, didn't he call u bee boi atsumu?

Atsumu: don't matter he's helpin me win over omi kun

Akaashi: good luck doing that

Semi: I thought sakusa had a thing for ushijima? Or was that just me

Atsumu: wot

Shirabu: no that was definitely a thing
Shirabu: at one point at least

Atsumu: wOT

Semi: he gave up tho I thought? Ushijima rejected him right?

Atsumu: WHAT

Shirabu: yeah that happened

Kageyama: oh yeah komori san told me about that the other day

Akaashi: from what I heard it was last year though

Semi: yeah it was a while back sakusa has definitely
moved on

Atsumu: okay thats good

Osamu: yeah but doesn't sakusa san like things to be clean or smth
Osamu: ur a f*ckin mess tsumu

Atsumu: I.
Atsumu: AM NOT.
Atsumu: A MESS

Kageyama: that's a lie

Atsumu: what

Kageyama: ur room at the training camp was probly second messiest after hoshiumi san

Osamu: I don't touch yer side of our bedroom for a reason

Atsumu: M TRYIN MY BEST

Kageyama: don't you mean your BEEST

Atsumu: STFU TOBIO KUN

7:01 AM

Yahaba: OK A Y I NEED TO ADD OIKAWA BACK OR HE'LL MAKE ME RUN LAPS FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK

Shirabu: weak
Shirabu: can't even sacrifice a week of laps for our sanities?

Yahaba: I care more about my well being then ur brains u bitch

Suga: that's honestly valid

Yahaba: sry for ur sanities everyone

Yahaba has added Oikawa to the chat

Oikawa: DID U GUYS MISS ME

Kenma: no

Futakuchi: ngl kinda
Futakuchi: u provided funny material

Semi: otherwise no tho

Suga: ^^

Yahaba: also I am officially not single anymore just thought y'all should know :))

Oikawa: yeah btw they're terrible yahaba has mad dog chan wrapped around his finger
Oikawa: I was minding my own business

Suga: as you never do

Oikawa: Mr refreshing kun you know me so well
Oikawa: anyways I wasn't minding my own business but tHEN I SAW MAD DOG CHAN GIVE YAHABA A FOREHEAD KISS
Oikawa: I was horrified
Oikawa: it was too much for my heart to handle ಥ‿ಥ ಥ‿ಥ

Akaashi: take that adorable relationship and give it an award bc he's the only setter to get his sh*t together

Kenma: ^^unfortunately ur right

Futakuchi: ayo yahaba welcome to the club

Yahaba: ty for taking me in I love it here already

Atsumu: stOP FLEXIN

Yahaba: u jealous?

Oikawa: I know I am bc u two r too cute and I want forehead kisses too
Oikawa: (´；ω；`)

Yahaba: ask iwaizumi san for some

Oikawa: I TURNED TO HIM TO ASK AND I DIDN'T EVEN OPEN MY MOUTH WHEN HE SAID NO AND CALLED ME sh*tTYKAWA

Suga: yikes that's gotta hurt

Kageyama: suga san u should ask daichi san for some too he'd give them

Suga: haha what nooOoOooO

Kenma: yeah that's a mood

Akaashi: ^^

Osamu: lmfao tsumu just asked our captain if he could spare a bit of affection and kita kun looked him dead in the eyes and said “in yer dreams”

Atsumu: I THOUGHT KITA KUN WOULD BE NICE TO ME

Osamu: ya thought wrong
Osamu: ya dumb

Shirabu: ur officially my new favorite person on this chat

Semi: wtf am i dirt or smth

Shirabu: yes
Shirabu: yes u r

Semi: wonderful
Semi: expect to die at practice this afternoon
Semi: bitch

Yahaba: how i wish i could say that to oikawa

Oikawa: OH WOW.
Oikawa: WOW
Oikawa: MY PRECIOUS KOUHAI
Oikawa: WOW

Yahaba: I was never ur precious anything what

Oikawa: everyone’s betraying me T-T
Oikawa: my best friend
Oikawa: my kouhai
Oikawa: what have I done to deserve this

Suga: i don’t think u want us to answer that :P

Kageyama: ^^^^

Futakuchi: ^^^^ mhm facts

6:42 PM

Futakuchi: ayo guys what’re your patronuses

Akasshi: i’m willing to bet atsumu’s is a stinky lil skunk

Osamu: yer pretty close he got a mole

Oikawa: HAH HOW

Semi: his personality is pretty similar tbh
Shirabu: nosy and digs for clout

Atsumu: okay but yer right

Suga: aren’t moles like garden ruiners

Yahaba: lmao yeah

Futakuchi: moles also kinda uggy ngl

Osamu: no wonder tsumu got a mole

Atsumu: I AM NOT UGGY
Atsumu: im adorable :DD

Kageyama: most people would say otherwise

Shirabu: yeah ur a rodent

Akaashi: I got a white swan as my patronus the first time
Akaashi: i made a second account and got a heron but thats the same as the author and i cant rlly vibe w her rn

Oikawa: ofc pretty owl chan gets the elegant looking birds

Suga: I got a lioness :))
Suga: ugh yeah im kinda ignoring she exists
Suga: love the books not the author?

Akaashi: ^^

Oikawa: why am i also not surprised mr refreshing kun got a lioness

Suga: bc im the best obviously

Kageyama: i just took it
Kageyama: what’s a thestral

Oikawa: WAIT U GOT A THESTRAL WOT

Futakuchi: wow that’s one of the rarest ones

Suga: ur a special child kageyama

Kageyama: it looks kinda scary

Yahaba: aren’t thestrals also like,,,bad omens

Kageyama: yikes okay

Atsumu: tobio kun at least ya didn’t get a mole

Semi: he’s right it could be a lot worse

Shirabu: I think i got a hyena

Yahaba: LMAO THAT SOUNDS LIKE YOU YEP

Shirabu: HYENAS ARE COOL WHY’RE U LAUGHING

Kenma: kuroo laughs like a hyena

Akaashi: it’s a bit horrifying to be frank
Akaashi: here’s a video of him laughing: 10 hour loop

Osamu: why is it 10 hours long

Kenma: taketora put it on loop

Akaashi: u mean you put it on loop
Akaashi: kenma he might’ve taken the vid but u were the one who sent me the 10 hr ver

Kenma: u shut it

Oikawa: MREAHAHAHAHAHA

Akaashi: sTop

Chapter 7

Chapter Text

10:37 PM

Osamu: if tsumu asks if ya wanna see cursed images tell him no

Yahaba: uh why

Atsumu: image

Atsumu:image

Osamu: NO STOP WTF

Suga: oml what the hell

Shirabu: what the actual f*ck

Akaashi: .

Kenma: ..

Kageyama: im scared

Futakuchi: I think we all are

Semi: ^^

Oikawa: AHAHAHAA

Atsumu: my saved pictures are the best y’all

Suga: why do u even have those saved

Atsumu: y don’t u have them saved?

Yahaba: my eyes have been scarred for life
Yahaba: I will never see thomas the train the same again

Kageyama: ^^ we need bleach

Osamu: sry i couldnt stop him

Akaashi: it’s alright we’re still alive

Shirabu: no we’re f*ckinG NOT
Shirabu: my brain just about lost all my brain cells seeing that

Oikawa: oml tsumu chan where’d u find the images I want some

Atsumu: lmao google. Look up cursed images and pick a topic

Oikawa: ty very much (>‿◠)✌

Futakuchi: jesus christ why

Suga: noOOoOOooooo stop why are you two like this??

Oikawa: ( ͡❛ ‿‿ ͡❛) i will send all the cursed images for u all to see

Yahaba: Oikawa i will show everything u send to iwaizumi san tmrw morning at practice

Oikawa: WAI T NO

Yahaba: that’s what i thought

Oikawa: O﹏o ⊙_☉
Oikawa: why am i being blackmailed ಥ_ಥ ಥ_ಥ

Kenma: the real question is why r u like this

Futakuchi: ^

Shirabu: ^^^^^^

Oikawa: nooooo don’t do this to me (╥﹏╥)

Akaashi: that’s what u get

Kenma: oh yeah that reminds me
Kenma: the other day akaashi confessed
Kenma: to a tree

Akaashi: who the f*ck told you that

Suga: ^^ language

Akaashi: sry
Akaashi: whomst the f*ck told you that

Kenma: kuroo has a video. And we were all there anyways

Futakuchi: lmao what

Osamu: akaashi what i thought u were married to me

Atsumu: guess he thought the tree was better

Osamu: guess ‘m gonna take yer phone and tell sakusa san that yer in love w him

Atsumu: DON’T DO THAT

Osamu: that’s what i thought

Oikawa: uh back to pretty owl chan
Oikawa: how drunk were you?

Akaashi: i was not drunk

Kenma: ^^ he’s telling the truth he wasn’t drunk

Akaashi: it was a dare

Futakuchi: who would come up w a dare to confess to a tree tho

Kenma: no actually kuroo dared him to confess to who he liked most in our group

Akaashi: i picked the tree
Akaashi: the tree is the only bitch i can trust in this house

Futakuchi: lmao real smooth

Akaashi: it was either that or confess to bokuto and im not about to do that

Kenma: he stares at u w googly eyes what

Akaashi: no he doesn't.

Kenma: ur a blind hoe

Akaashi: no u with ur bitch of a childhood friend that's so obviously staring at you with heart eyes or wtvr

Kenma: I'll stab you 💛

Akaashi: f*cking try me 💛

Kenma: b l i n d

Akaashi: I'll run u over w a bulldozer :))

Kenma: I'd like to see u try :))

Futakuchi: (every time these two get in an argument idk what to say)

Kageyama: (^yeah same)

Yahaba: (and it’s like. Very high tension)

Semi: (the tension is too high idk when or where to talk)

Osamu: (how often does this happen?)

Suga: (every couple of days)

Shirabu: (admittedly not fun)

Futakuchi: (almost 100% it's bc they need to channel their frustrations and it's not like they can vent to their crushes about liking them or smth)

Semi: (but like also it goes from 0 to 100 rlly quick)

Suga: (they're both pretty touchy bout their crushes I think)

Osamu: (ah I see)

Yahaba: (city folk are scary)

Kageyama: (^^^^^ I agree)

Akaashi: again, typing in parentheses doesn't mean we can't see it

Yahaba: (yeah but we're whispering so u cant hear us anyways)

Kenma: …
Kenma: I've got no words for this

Futakuchi: trying to use the parentheses to hide our words, never?

Kageyama: i dont think we’ve done that before

Akaashi: ...

Shirabu: oh yeah we’d never do that

Yahaba: shirabu would tell it to ur faces bc he’s a lil salty child

Semi: ^^

Shirabu: oh fck off won’t u

Yahaba: i am always willing to flex that i am older than you

Shirabu: BY BARELY A MONTH?

Yahaba: (~‾⌣‾)~

Oikawa: HAHA TSUMU CHAN U JUST GOT CAUGHT THAT'S WHAT U GET

Semi: what

Futakuchi: wot

Osamu: they're playin among us w strangers
Osamu: tsumu just swore vry loudly so I'm assumin they caught him

Atsumu: THEY SAW ME KILL ON CAMS FML

Oikawa: tsk tsk tsumu chan u should know better

Kageyama: yeah why would u kill when there's a camera around

Atsumu: I forgot the cameras were a thing

Shirabu: can't say I'm surprised

Akaashi: ^^ I don't think any of us can

Semi: why r u two always playing among us together but w strangers

Oikawa: it's easier to kill each other if you guys arent there to detective us out
Oikawa: and we always kill each other first if we're the imposter

Atsumu: so if we were playin w u guys then y'all immediately catch on

Oikawa: tis no rocket science

Atsumu: some of the lobbies r rlly f*ckin funny tho

Oikawa: omg yeah we were in one lobby where there was someone w like a pregnant kink or smth

Shirabu: the f*ck

Semi: langwj

Shirabu: *excuse me the f*ck?

Futakuchi: what kind of people,,,?

Kenma: can't say I'm surprised u two were the ones to meet them

Atsumu: orange kept askin what it'd be like have sex with someone pregnant

Oikawa: the dude was wack as heck
Oikawa: he kept asking for info and then u flat out told him to go read ABO fics

Atsumu: lmfao that was hilarious

Kageyama: what's an abo fic

Suga: dw about it kageyama

Yahaba: sry pal ur too young

Kageyama: （；へ：）

Osamu: it'd honestly be best for ya not to know

Akaashi: back to the dude w the pregnant kink tho
Akaashi: wtf???

Atsumu: well he’s claiming he doesnt have a kink for pregnant women but. His questions mean otherwise.

Yahaba: that sounds rlly f*cking wack

Suga: yeah wait what is that logic

Oikawa: thats not as funny as the one purple guy whose name was animeboi tho

Futakuchi: whatd he do?

Oikawa: he kept calling emergency meetings to spam anime references
Oikawa: that was absolutely lit

Atsumu: it was a blast we just kept skippin bc no one could get a word in

Suga: did...no one kick him out?
Oikawa: uh. Well. none of us wanted to

Osamu: bc yer weebs

Atsumu: exactly
Atsumu: BUT I ALSO JUST GOT EJECTED SO HAH HAVE A SABOTAGE

Oikawa: oml the dead chat is cursing u so hard rn

2:47 AM

Kenma: cats deserve rights

Kageyama: what

Yahaba: uh. ???

Shirabu: cats?

Kenma: cats should vote
Kenma: if cats could vote then the world would be a better place

Yahaba: i honestly can’t argue with that

Akaashi: ignore him he’s been checking neko atsume for the past hour obsessively

Kenma: chairman meow knows whats up

Akaashi: he’s also been giving headcanons for the cats

Kageyama: i dont like tubbs much
Kageyama: he always eats the food and then i have to refill the frisky bits all over again

Kenma: ^^ exactly. Tubbs does not deserve rights. He’s probably a pig in a cat costume. Terrible economy

Yahaba:... am i the only one genuinely confused

Akaashi: admittedly im lost as well

Shirabu: they’re cats. In a game. What

Kenma: all cats except for tubbs deserve rights

Kageyama: #killtubbs2k20

Kenma: Kageyama i disliked u at first but anyone who supports the KIll Tubbs movement is a friend

Kageyama: no hard feelings

Chapter 8

Chapter Text

9:46 PM

Futakuchi: does anyone want to take my survey

Yahaba: Absolutely

Akaashi: I'll probably regret it

Shirabu: there's nothing better to do rn

Kageyama: surgery for what
Kageyama: But sure

Yahaba: WHAT

Futakuchi: LMAO
Futakuchi: SURGERY

Akaashi: what

Kageyama: survey*
Kageyama: oops

Shirabu: what is wrong with all of you

Yahaba: AHAHA

Semi: Futakuchi I'll take your surgery

Futakuchi: oh its just a random surgery for fun

Oikawa: Lit
Oikawa: i’m down

Futakuchi: i need to finish making it tho give me
Futakuchi: like 5 minutes

Kenma: i'll take it too
Kenma: it better be interesting

Futakuchi: here's the surgery: link it's not really a survey
Futakuchi: it's kinda a quiz

Yahaba: Alrightyy

Oikawa: very nice surgery i approve

Futakuchi: ty very much

Akaashi: i did it

Futakuchi: AKAASHI WERE U THE ONE WHO SAID GRASS

Akaashi: yes

Kenma: grass is vry tasty

Shirabu: wtf??

Oikawa: AHAHA

Futakuchi: extra points for creativity for sure
Futakuchi:WHO ANSWERED THAT TAPEWORMS WERE GOOD
Futakuchi: SOMEONE ANSWERED THAT TAPEWORMS WERE GOOD FOR PPL

Kenma: akaashi it was you wasn't it

Futakuchi: to the two ppl who said that do do doo song was the last thing you hear before you die, good job

Yahaba: mood

Oikawa: tis d e d

Kageyama: I finished

Yahaba: me too

Semi: ^^

Futakuchi: im very grateful to you three and shirabu for not asnwering that tapeworms were good for ppl

Yahaba: Yeah of course not

Semi: tapeworms are not good for you who said it was??

Shirabu: That's f*cking gross?

Kenma: im like 100% sure akaashi clicked yes on that question

Oikawa: ngl i almost said yes just because

Futakuchi: honestly it would've been funny
Futakuchi: u can submit mutlitple responses tho

Akaashi: yes tape worms are very good

Shirabu:...

Kageyama: uh

Futakuchi: if u wanna see what happens when u select yes

Kageyama: What...what happens

Oikawa: go for it

Futakuchi: nothing bad happens dw

Yahaba: ...sure

Futakuchi: anyone who said that we should ask HOW'S AUSTRALIA can get a cookie :DD

Oikawa: Ayeee
Oikawa: Yoi gotta check up on them sometimes

Akaashi: ikr poor australia

Kenma: Don't be a non believer
Kenma: Believe pigs can fly

Semi: ^^^^

Yahaba: Thank you

Kageyama: I’m playing among us instead of doing my project due at midnight lol

Kenma: We stan procrastination

11:32 PM

Oikawa: What happens if the spider that fell off the wall this morning ends up crawling onto my bed
Oikawa: In the middle of the night
Oikawa: When I'm sleeping

Akaashi: personally i would probably die of fright but idk about you

Futakuchi: I think I'd have the same reaction

Shirabu: Ngl same

Osamu: Spiders are terrifyin

Oikawa: yes i hate them they are so scary

Futakuchi: Scary scary spiders

Yahaba: And co*ckroaches
Yahaba: co*ckroaches are terrifying too

Akaashi: we hate co*ckroaches too of course they’re gross

Oikawa: all bugs are gross but they're going into my dead bug jar so it okay :))

Futakuchi: your w h a t

Oikawa: :))

Yahaba: Do figs...have wasps in them? Do ppl eat figs with wasps in them?

Shirabu: it's like f*cking midnight wtf

Semi: hold up people do what

Yahaba: idk I just read an article talkin about...the wasp content of a fig

Osamu: 'm so confused y

Yahaba: They mention how nutritional insects are

Akaashi: why

Futakuchi: This is awfully disturbing

Oikawa: do people eat the wasps on purpose??? i’m so confused rn

Futakuchi: yeah same ^^

Yahaba: f*ckING HELL FIGS ACTUALLY HAVE DEAD WASPS IN THEM EW EW EW
Yahaba: I'VE EATEN DRIED FIG BEFORE DOES THAT MEAN I'VE EATEN DEAD WASP THIS IS NOT OKAY

Kageyama: I finished my project guys

Shirabu: f*ck no i wasn’t planning on eating any gigs but now i definitely won’t

Kageyama: :D

Semi: Good job kageyama

Akaashi: And only half an hour before the deadline
Akaashi: nice

Futakuchi: ooh nice

Yahaba: BUT FIGS HAVE DEAD WASPS IN THEM I'M SO GROSSED OUT
Yahaba: APPARENTLY BC FIGS AREN'T ACTUALLY FRUIT THEY'R SOME KINDA INVERRTED FLOWER, FEMALE FIG WASPS HAVE TO CRAWL INSIDE TO LAY EGGS AND THEY DIE IN THERE

Semi: that’s so gross

Kageyama: wait so do the eggs end up in there a lot

Yahaba: I THINK??

Semi: are people usually eating wasp eggs when they eat figs that’s fricking nasty

Akaashi: i've eaten dried fig and i didn't know this am genuinely disgusted

Shirabu: Ughhhh this is nasty

Oikawa: i’m so glad i’ve never eaten a fig before rn

Yahaba: You've been spared the pain
Yahaba: Now you know

Kenma: now we know, don't eat figs
Kenma: Or else u might end up eating dead female wasps

Semi: i never will thank you figs have been ruined for me

Akaashi: Figs have been ruined for me too I actually thought grapes were okay wth

Yahaba: Ughhhhhh this is not fun facts

Kageyama: this is the opposite of a fun fact

Oikawa: This is an Awful Fact™

Futakuchi: yes indeéd

Yahaba: This is the kind of info I'd like to learn about in school bc then I wouldnt hAVE EATEN DEAD WASP

Kageyama: yeah this is the kind of important thing i want to know who needs algebra

Shirabu: Who needs algebra when there are thousands of ppl out there who don't know they're eating dead wasp when theyre eating figs

Semi: We should be warned as children about these things??

Akaashi: do they not use pesticides i’m confused about this still

Oikawa: i feel bad for all the people who have unknowingly eaten wasps and their eggs ew

Yahaba: There are pesticides but the problem is that figs need to be fertilized by female wasps in this way
Yahaba: Like it's part of the natural cycle or smth

Futakuchi: bro why do people still eat figs then if there’s probably a wasp this is so weird

Yahaba: The farmers cannnn reduce the number of figs with wasps in them but to continue fig trees and stuff they still need wasps to fertilize them figs

Kenma: that’s interesting but also gross

Semi: I don't think many ppl know about it tbh
Semi: Or maybe it is a common fact
Semi: And ppl just don't care bc they like figs

Yahaba: i had never heard it before i feel like a lot of people would not want to eat wasps
Yahaba: so they probably don’t know

Oikawa: I don't think it's a fact ppl are actively looking out for when they buy figs in the supermarket
Oikawa: Pulls up phone: "oh let's see what dead creatures could possibly be in this fruit thing"

Kenma: yes what insect is in my food

Yahaba: okay fair i don’t generally google what kinds of insects i could be sting by accident
Yahaba: *eating

Akaashi: Idk if I should be thankful to you for teaching me this fact or not bc on one hand at least now I know but on the other hand I could've lived my whole life without the knowledge that I mightve eaten dead wasp

Shirabu: i personally wish i did not know this

Kageyama: Have cute red panda to wipe ur mind of that horrid fact: gif

Yahaba: thank you much appreciated

Akaashi: ^^

Futakuchi: ty very much

Shirabu: im still disgusted but thanks anyway

Oikawa: ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ ᕦ( ᐛ )ᕡ ᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟ ٩( ᐛ )و

Atsumu: I mean I knew that ffact but I still ate fig

Yahaba: Yanno what atsumu I'll bet ur one of those ppl who say that bugs are nutritious

Osamu: ^^ he does think bugs're nutritious

Atsumu: s
Atsumu: shut it

Futakuchi so u guys remember my survey

Kageyama: don't u mean surgery

Futakuchi: yes my surgery

Yahaba: mhm yeah what about it

Futakuchi: for snacks kenma wrote "gluten free pescatarian" and im not sure if he means that he likes to gluten free pescatarian snacks or he likes to eat gluten free pescatarians

Futakuchi: and when i asked he said "you'll never know"

Semi: sounds kinda freaky ngl

Atsumu: cinnamon is spicy dirt

Shirabu: No

Atsumu: kiwis are hairy nuggets

Osamu: No what the f*ck tsumu

Suga: I...what is going on?

Kageyama: Suga san did u know that figs have dead wasps in them

Suga: I've heard that but I don't know if it is true

Oikawa: it's actually true
Oikawa: like i didnt believe it either at first

Yahaba: but then
Yahaba: speculation became fact

Osamu: is it true there are dead wasps in figs?
Osamu: They'r outta the fig before we eat em, or if the figs are female they'r already long dissolved

Futakuchi: YEAH BUT WE'RE STILL EATING WASP REMAINS
Futakuchi: like yes it's dissolved but

Osamu: but they'r dissolved and n't wasp anymore

Akaashi: ^^ okay that makes things a lot better

Oikawa: but still. wasp remains

Semi: to be fair once something dissolves it is no longer what it was

Yahaba: wasp dust
Yahaba: it's wasp dust

Atsumu: people eat grasshoppers yer overreacting lol

Oikawa: WHY DO PP EAT THAT
Oikawa: PPL*

Atsumu: they don't taste that bad if ya only have one at a time and they have good nutritional value

Kageyama: well i have eaten a scorpion in lollipop before
Kageyama: but that was in 2nd grade
Kageyama: and it was cronchy

Shirabu: Don't scorpions have poison

Suga: ^^ yeah that's what i thought?

Atsumu: yanno grassshoppers are cronchy too

Kageyama: not the ones we ate i guess
Kageyama: idk the teacher gave them to us
Kageyama: i dont actually remember if i ate the scorpion or not
Kageyama: bc i like to crunch on lollipops too
Kageyama: so the cronch mightve been the candy not the creature

Oikawa: why?

Suga: kageyama why do crunch on lollipops

Kageyama: uh idk

Yahaba: who bites lolipops

Atsumu: yea wait y would ya do that

Futakuchi: Kageyama i agree it's fun
Futakuchi: to cronch on a lollipop

Akaashi: the flavor goes away faster and it can be painful

Kageyama: well i like it so

Oikawa: c r o n c h

Yahaba: when I was younger I did that and had a shard of lollipop lodged in my throat

Semi: yikes that sounds painful

Kageyama: can't say that's happened to me before but oof

Yahaba: I was at a school play and I went to the bathroom and chugged water, then it eventually went down

Suga: i-okay

Chapter 9

Chapter Text

10:58 PM

Yahaba: akaashi and shirabu u bitches

Shirabu: lmfao that was great

Semi: i fr thought it was you yahaba sry

Yahaba: u two suck i hate u both

Osamu: lmao were ya playin among us

Akaashi: yeah it was fun

Yahaba: Akaashi and Shirabu f*cking double teamed me but we turned off confirm eject so no one could tell IT WASN'T ME

Shirabu: that's what you get

Akaashi: among us does that to ppl idk what to tell u

Kenma: i absolutely despise kageyama rn

Kageyama: i thought i saw you vent,,, :((

Kenma: You have 20 minutes to vacate the premises

Kageyama: Do I get any donuts or
Kageyama: ?

Kenma: Yes you can have donuts

Yahaba: Akaashi and shirabu i'm evicting u guys too

Akaashi: can i have a promotion before being evicted

Yahaba: Sure you're now the vice president of the company
Yahaba: But you're also fired immediately
Yahaba: So..

Akaashi: it's okay i can do both

Yahaba: Okay good

Shirabu: Yeet

2:19 AM

Atsumu: feet are so weird
Atsumu: how do ppl have feet fetishes

Kenma: idk

Oikawa: tbh feet give me the heebie jeebies

Shirabu: what the f*ck

Osamu: why're ya thinkin bout f*ckin feet at 2 in the morning

Atsumu: like...feet
Atsumu: why feet

Oikawa: f e e
Oikawa: t

Akaashi: feet are just weird in general

Kenma: ikr

Atsumu: like ariel stop wigglin yer toes why

Futakuchi: are you watching the little mermaid or smth?

Atsumu: yea

Osamu: so that's what the light from yer room is

Atsumu: ariel is best disney princess y'all fight me

Oikawa: i'll fight you i like cinderella the best

Futakuchi: nah belle's better

Akaashi: k but mulan

Osamu: ^^ can't argue w that

Kenma: ngl the chameleon in tangled was the best

Oikawa: anyways I disagree with the concept of feet
Oikawa: We should just have more hands it's not that hard

Atsumu: exactly

Futakuchi: Infinitely more useful

Akaashi: hands are so much more practical

Atsumu: Exactly

Oikawa: like hands can walk too
Oikawa: just evolve so that feet become hands

Akaashi: I think that monkeys are the highest form of physical evolution

Atsumu: yes

Kenma: akaashi what

Oikawa: Feet hands! feet hands!

Futakuchi: f e e t h a n d s

5:23 AM

Oikawa: so i started playing osu
Oikawa: and now i can't stop
Oikawa: plz save me

Yahaba: Oh no

Suga: It’s too late

Akaashi: I remember Kenma's osu phase
Akaashi: that was a trip

Kenma: ez

Kageyama: Oikawa san y r u playing osu at,,,5 in the morning

Oikawa: why CANT i tobio chan???

Kagayama:,,,
Kageyama: isn't it a weekday-

Oikawa: osu waits for no one i need to get a B on SOMETHING, ANYTHING

Kenma: lmao noob

Oikawa: SHUT IT I JUST STARTED

Shirabu: yeah ur a noob

Oikawa: aslkhjldfha;j LET ME GET TO B ON SMTHHHH

Kageyama: try the taiko

Yahaba: ^^ those were easiest for me when i started

Kageyama: yeah taiko is just z,x,c,v keys and the easy songs are slow

Kenma: or the fruit catching tbh
Kenma: it's just arrow keys

Suga: Oikawa...did u only get 3 hours of sleep between 2 and 5?

Oikawa: o no i slept at like 8 lol
Oikawa: i woke up at 2 and now im here

Kenma: weak

Shirabu: ^^

4:20 PM

Oikawa: happy 4 20 y'all

Futakuchi: ty for that

Suga: thank you??

Shirabu: hi so megamind is f*cking terrifying

Futakuchi: Megamind is the highest form of visual art to date

Shirabu: it's terrifying
Shirabu: t e r r i f y i n g

Semi: gotta agree w him on that one megamind is freaky

Futakuchi: Artttt

Semi: it can be art and terrifying

Oikawa: lmao ur not wrong

Shirabu: their f o r e h e a d s
Shirabu: terrifying

Suga: Lmao what

Semi: their foreheads scare me so hard
Semi: otherwise i liked megamind

Suga: Maybe the real megamind was the friends we made along the way

Shirabu: i-
Shirabu: no

Yahaba: yeah wait what

Suga: Idk i think I'm right on this one chief

Shirabu: n o

Futakuchi: You're resisting progress my dude

Atsumu: It’s borderline perfection y'all

Futakuchi: THANK YOU

Suga: See he gets it
Suga: Megamind supremacy

Atsumu: Hell yeah

Osamu: i hated that movie

Shirabu: ^^^^^^^^^^^

Akaashi: It can be perfection and also terrifying

Kageyama: The blue man intimidates me (;-_-)ノ

Oikawa: Good

Akaashi: I appreciate the movie the way a hostage appreciates being kept alive

Oikawa: WAIT LMAO WHAT

Kenma: That's the most f*cking powerful thing u've ever said

Akaashi: what an achievement

Futakuchi: Holy sh*t what did megamind do to you

Semi: Oml what a statement

Oikawa: RIGHT??
Oikawa: IDK WHAT IT MEANS BUT ITS GOT A VIBE

Semi: what was going on in ur head when u said that???

Akaashi: to be very honest idk but
Akaashi: Megamind was a f*cking trip for 11 year old me

Futakuchi: I have a confession to make
Futakuchi: I've never seen megamind

Kenma: yeah neither have i

Suga: ^^ hehe same

Atsumu:...

Oikawa: WHAT

Atsumu: Y'ALL WHAT

Shirabu: W H A T

Futakuchi: IM SORRY
Futakuchi: ITS TRUE

Suga: I never,,,got the chance?

Kenma: the movie looked weird so i just didn't

Oikawa: YOU ALL NEED TO WATCH IT. BRING UR CRUSHES OR SMTH IDK BUT YOU ABSOLUTELY NEED TO
Oikawa: IS IT ON NETFLIX

Futakuchi: lol i'll check
Futakuchi: Its not

Osamu: Rippp

Atsumu: Awww :(((

Oikawa: we all need to watch it
Oikawa: One day
Oikawa: It'll happen
Oikawa: I swear it

Suga: Absolutely

Kenma: not

Semi: ^^^

Osamu: ^^^^^

Shirabu: ^^^^^^

Akaashi: The foreheads will scare you too

Futakuchi: They will not

Atsumu: lmao they'll creep ya out a lil

Osamu: i know he's an alien an' all but his forehead was horrifyin

Akaashi: Megamind is hot but his foreheads terrifies me

Kenma: what

Akaashi: i said nothing

Oikawa: Idk if I’d call him hot
Oikawa: but yeah his forehead is large lmao

Akaashi: He's kinda hot
Akaashi: I like his eyes
Akaashi: They're vry pretty

Kenma: ...what the actual f*ck keiji-

Futakuchi: That's,
Futakuchi: Wow

Oikawa: I'm gonna read Jesus x reader fanfic

Suga: There we go
Suga: Religious and wholesome

Yahaba: Jesus is best boi ™

Atsumu: get that WAP
Atsumu: Worship and Prayer

Oikawa: Mhm mhm

Akaashi: No
Akaashi: You can’t make me

Oikawa: NEVER MIND I CAN'T READ THOS

Yahaba: LMAO

Oikawa: Jesus just said "suck my pee pee" I can't

Kenma: C'mon akaashi, give it everything you got for that Worship and Prayer

Futakuchi: AHAHAH

Oikawa: I draw the line at sucking peepee

Atsumu: wdym that's the best part

Suga: idk what ur on, that's where interested
Suga: I'm* ;))

Oikawa: JESUS CALLED THE PEEPEE SUCKING WEAK
Oikawa: I-

Yahaba: LMAO
Yahaba: I'M GONNA TELL IWAIZUMI SAN HOLD ON

Oikawa: WAIT YAHABA NO-

Atsumu: yer too late he's gone

Oikawa: READER IS TRYING THEIR BEST HERE

Yahaba: YOU HAVE DISAPPOINTED JESUSS

Oikawa: AH YES JESUS THEN DISAPPEARS IN A FLASH OF LIGHT AFTER A BLOW W O W

Suga: LMAO

Osamu: This is a f*ckin trip

Akaashi: yeah that sums it up

Oikawa: "My dumbass parents think I'm helping out at the church but I'm doing THE WEED"

Atsumu: Ah yes THE WEED

Semi: Not the weed :O

Oikawa: screenshot 1
Oikawa: Just read that middle part

Suga: oh yikes

Yahaba: lmfao wowwwwww

Kenma: Whoopsies

Oikawa: screenshot 2
Oikawa: This is a f*cking fever dream

Yahaba: LMAO

Atsumu: HAH

Akaashi: This is quality

Osamu: I think what makes these good is that ya can tell it's very well written

Kenma: strong quality

Futakuchi: Lots of memes

Suga: V high quality

Oikawa: "I think of his holy peepee being shoved up my poopyhole" Im glad the author made this very gender neutral

Akaashi: Oh absolutely that's 100% what u should be paying attention to

Yahaba: Very considerate of the author

Oikawa: Ok now I'm gonna read a Jesus x shrek
Oikawa: Plz pray for me

Atsumu: Finally some good f*ckin food

Oikawa: screenshot 3

Yahaba: EW WHAT

Oikawa: OML THE TRAIN IS HITTING ON SHREK TOO
Oikawa: THE TRAIN IS THOMAS

Futakuchi: W H AT

Kenma: ew whats up w the ear licking

Kageyama: uh.

Suga: Hi kageyama don't read tis plz

Atsumu: LUCIOUS CRUSTY DUSTY SANDALS ER SUCH A SPECIFIC TYPE AHAHAHA

Oikawa: Yoho tobio chan!!

Kageyama: I won’t read it don’t worry Suga san

Akaashi: yeah don't worry about this at all

Osamu: nothin goin on here

Yahaba: ^^^ nope nothing :DD

Atsumu: keep yer eyes wholesome tobio kun

Kageyama: yeah i'm trying,,,

Chapter 10

Chapter Text

3:22 AM

Oikawa: If a 213 cm tall pixelated Minecraft Steve suddenly showed up irl in your room while you were sleeping what would you do

Suga: I would...keep sleeping?

Oikawa: No but like if you woke up
Oikawa: And there was a 213 cm tall pixelated Steve standing over you

Kenma: idk i guess i'd go back to sleep too

Atsumu: where tf do ya dig these ideas outta yer brain

Oikawa: how tf do you type in KANSAI ACCENT anyways i digress.
Oikawa: i'd be terrified if a taLLER-THAN-USHIWAKA pixelated Minecraft steve was standing over me while i was sleeping

Suga: as unsightly as that sounds, if im about to be possibly murdered while defenseless im not gonna be struggling

Kenma: ^^^ yeah that

Oikawa: No no he's not gonna kill you he's just standing there

Osamu: Like a voyeur or smth?
Osamu: Id prolly get up and see his reaction

Suga: hm maybe that too

Atsumu: tbh I'd scream so loudly that sounds horrifyin

Oikawa: and did you know that peppa pig is like, 215 cm tall??!!

Futakuchi: now that's nightmare fuel
Futakuchi: imagine how tall the rest of her family is

Suga: I'm shorter than PEPPA PIG??!!

Semi: going by that logic most of us are shorter than peppa pig

Suga: I'm already one of the shortest on my TEAM i do NOT NEED TO BE SHORTER THAN f*ckING PEPPA PIG
Suga: there are three FIRST YEARS TALLER THAN ME
Suga: AND NOW THIS PIG????

Oikawa: o no Mr. refreshing kun is scary when he's mad

Suga: I am going to sic peppa pig so hard she won't even be able to hang up the phone on me

Futakuchi: now now, at least ur taller than george
Futakuchi: he's only 73 cm no biggie

Suga: I am still SEETHING

Akaashi: why are so many of you awake rn

Oikawa: we're having a very enlightening conversation

Akaashi: why do i doubt that

Semi: Because it's 3 30 am and they're talking about stalker Minecraft steve and peppa pig's height

Akaashi: Ah I see
Akaashi: I mean I don't but
Akaashi: Hm
Akaashi: i think i see him

Oikawa: pretty owl-chan are u,,, okay

Akaashi: No

Kenma: He just finished studying for some tests tmrw dw about him

Semi: It's 3 in the morning ?!

Akaashi: you're all up too I don't see the big deal

Oikawa: Ew studying (͡°ʖ̯͡°)

Akaashi: Ew yourself

Suga: HAH

Oikawa: ʕ ㅇ ᴥ ㅇʔ
Oikawa: I feel incredibly hurt and in pain rn how could u do this to me

Akaashi: Lol u suck gn

Atsumu: wow he rlly just dipped like that

Kenma: he's sleep deprived so. Better that than angy

Semi: you all need to go to sleep

Oikawa: lol no :pp

7:56 pm

Yahaba: have you ever chomped
Yahaba: on
Yahaba: a
Yahaba calculator

Suga: I cant say I have

Yahaba: Dang it's very fun

Suga: I will...keep that in mind

Yahaba: it kinda tastes like wood

Shirabu: what?

Yahaba: like so i left it in my desk for a couple weeks right nd my desk is made of wood
Yahaba: so now it tastes like oak or some kinda tree

Futakuchi: are you trying to tell us you aged your calculator like fine wine?

Suga: PFFT

Yahaba: YES

Kenma: Gotta say finely aged calculator is a first

Yahaba: f*ck I don't remember how to do these math problems tho

Shirabu: Your finely aged calculator is USELESS

Yahaba: NOT AS USELESS AS YOU

Shirabu: I am LITERALLY the main setter
Shirabu: you pleb

Yahaba: I'll be the main setter once Oikawa is gone!

Futakuchi: I have an idea
Futakuchi: we should start planning Oikawa's death now

Oikawa: NO NO WHY

Osamu: while we're at it, get ridda tsumu too

Atsumu: y'all suck ASS
Atsumu: ACTUAL ASS

Suga: why don't we get rid of all the main setters?

Semi: I'm liking the sound of that

Yahaba: i second that

Kageyama: suga-san pls don't kill me

Suga: no promises :DD

Futakuchi: why are you so...murderous. today

Oikawa: could it be mr. refreshing-kun's time of the month ?? 👀👀

Semi: as cool as it'd be if he were trans I'm pretty sure suga is running on the anger that Peppa pig is taller than him
Semi: which is to say, his anger at anyone taller than him

Kageyama: oh that'd explain his threats today during practice

Suga: semi is right!! (〃ﾟ3ﾟ〃)
Suga: anyone taller than me must go!!

Futakuchi: aight anyone living in miyagi taller than 174 cm it's time to blast outta here

Akaashi: *vibes in tokyo*

Kenma: ^^

Atsumu: *vibes in hyogo prefecture*

Osamu: *vibes in a whole half a country away*

Suga: bet i WON’t still come and find you all

8:42 pm

Kageyama: I hate homework

Futakuchi: Yeah me too buddy

Kenma: ^^^

Futakuchi: Ultimate brain pain

Suga: Fr fr

Atsumu: just typed half my body paragraph but i dont remember typin half my body paragraph what the f*ck
Atsumu: WHAT
Atsumu: WHEN DID I TYPE THIS f*ck IM SO TIRED

Futakuchi: LMAO

Suga: That happened to me the other day too I was doing a history paper and fell asleep
Suga: Checked next morning and the paper was done and I didn't know it was literally me who finished it

Yahaba: i'd have a heart attack if that happened to me
Yahaba: Like if someone snuck into my room and did the work for me

Akaashi: If someone would do that for me I'd be GRATEFUL

Futakuchi: homework santa??

Osamu: Isn't that kinda creepy tho
Osamu: Someone sneakin into your room like that

Akaashi: I mean.
Akaashi: It's for the betterment of your grades

Shirabu: that just sounds rlly f*ckin awfully sus

Atsumu: That'd be bc it is rlly f*ckin awfully sus

Suga: You are all awfully sus and distracting me so hush

Oikawa: uwu you're not my mom

Yahaba: Yeah that's cuz you think iwaizumi-san is your mom

Akaashi: hey what

Oikawa: AFLSKKGDK WAHT

Atsumu: huh oikawa I always knew you were weird but

Shirabu: that's a wack ass kink

Oikawa: NO NOT LIKE THAT

Akaashi: Im concerned

Suga: Yeah no me too

Osamu: Is it always like this?

Kenma: unfortunately yes

Osamu: great. Love that

Oikawa: what's the weiridnst thing youve ever seen

Shirabu: weirdest*

Oikawa: suit pp ur onion s irrelavnt

Suga: I want to correct that but I cannot understand

Futakuchi: "shut up ur opinion is irrelevant"?

Oikawa: YEA THST^^^

Shirabu: that*

Oikawa: STAP

Kenma: "Suit pp ur onion" is one of the weirdest things I've seen in a little while

Kageyama: I think there was a runaway pig in the road once

Semi: huh can't say i've ever seen that
Semi: i have seen a cow in the road tho

Shirabu: there was a runaway horse a few times too

Semi: oh right didn't one run off campus

Akaashi: you country people are odd

Osamu: the weirdest thig i've ever seen is tsumus face

Atsumu: OH f*ck OFF

Osamu: heh

Kageyama: is this what it's like to have a brother

Osamu: yea pretty much

Oikawa: oldr sistr gsng :DD !!

Kageyama: uh I guess ^^

Suga: wait kageyama you have a sister?

Kageyama: yeah she's a lot older than me tho

Oikawa: ew anotr thing we have in cmn ts is no ok

Yahaba: ur poor typing skills are the real "no ok" here

Oikawa: M TRUNA COOJ N TYOE AT TGE SDMR TONE

Akaashi: "I'm tuna cool and roe at some tone"

Yahaba: pFFTT

Kageyama: uh

Kenma: lmao nice try

Suga: as hilarious as that is I don't think that's what he's trying to say

Futakuchi: "I'm tryna cook and type at the same time"

Atsumu: Woah are ya magic or smth

Semi: definitely magic wth

Oikawa: it took me a goddamn hour to heat up that faux beef pot roast and it tastes like literal dog food

Atsumu: eat up my little doggie

Oikawa: i actually hate you

Kenma: why are you heating up faux beef pot roast that sound gross

Atsumu: why not

Oikawa: bc I cant cook
Oikawa: ...and im hungy

Futakuchi: bruh smh

Yahaba: he cant cook fr
Yahaba: we had a team barbecue thing at one point
Yahaba: and he ran off to mess with his "Iwa-chan", then forgot the grill was still heating the food
Yahaba: then we all had to cash in to buy konbini snacks bc none of us had brought enough money to go to an actual restaurant

Suga: wow
Suga: I wanna say I'm disappointed but that sounds disturbingly in character

Oikawa: WHY ARE YOU SLANDERING MEEEE

Shirabu: bc it's easy

Oikawa: this is Not Okay™ TT

10:17 PM

Kageyama: i want a cat three and a half octaves long

Futakuchi: what?

Akaashi: and I want
Akaashi: A life

Suga: Or mb a boyfriend

Akaashi: Yeah that too

Futakuchi: is no one...going to question the cat thing...??

Semi: Why the f*ck do you people never go to sleep

Shirabu: first off, it's not even 11, you old man

Futakuchi: second off, sleep is for the WEAK

Akaashi: Well you see I just woke up and looked at my hands and my first thought was "these arent my hands"

Osamu: yanno what, me too

Akaashi: Like sometimes i'm not even waking up i just look at my hands and think "are these even mine"

Osamu: I know right

Shirabu: What the actual f*ck are you guys on

Akaashi: copious amounts of coffee, no sleep, taking care of Bokuto all practice, and an excessive amount of schoolwork

Osamu: ^^ that minus the Bokuto and plus the shell-shock high of realizin ya have an essay due tmrw and u've barely even started
Osamu: and plus dealing with tsumu

Akaashi: sounds like hell

Osamu: oh it really is

Suga: Are
Suga: You
Suga: Willing
Suga: To

Akaashi: Yes

Suga: Give up your legs for Ice cream

Osamu: i mean
Osamu: Depends what flavor

Suga: I'll give you a tub of whatever you want if you give me your ligaments

Akaashi: And if i get a lifetime supply

Osamu: ^^ what they said

Suga: Goddamnit

Futakuchi: what???

Suga: I don't have that kinda money man that's what the organ selling is supposed to help me with

Kageyama: U can sell legs?

Osamu: Have u heard of the black market or nah

Kageyama: um

Futakuchi: ohHhhhh

Oikawa: wait
Oikawa: I want to see how much id be worth

Suga: Well my estimate for you is exactly $0.00

Akaashi: the only money someone could make off of you is your glasses

Futakuchi: PFFTTTT

Oikawa: no illegal my guy
Oikawa: but guys what if we sell tobio-chan on ebay!!

Futakuchi: Kageyama is baby why would you do that

Suga: I could probably do an actual run down of the prices someone would pay for specific organs

Osamu: I am absolutely f*ckin terrified rn

Futakuchi: YEAH NO ME TOO

Suga: I'm an angel i rlly dunno what u guys are talking about :DD
Suga: Also, as a what? are you selling him whole
Suga: or chopped up

Oikawa: I mean
Oikawa: U decide
Oikawa: We gotta think this through

Osamu: Y’all are strange

Semi: I'm mildly disturbed

Kageyama: do i...have any say in this

Suga: as much as i wish i could tell you yes
Suga: I'm afraid you have no say in this

1:20 AM

Oikawa: ⭐️ hey ⭐️ besties⭐️
Oikawa: I am having a ⭐️ crisis ⭐️

Suga: oh God

Semi: make it Stop

Akaashi: ew

Kenma: Stop

Shirabu: thats disgusting

Oikawa: LMAO
Oikawa: im here to scare u in emoji language
Oikawa: ⭐️

Shirabu: My ears are blind and my mouth can’t feel now

Akaashi: hey I will go to your house, chops your limbs off, and feed them to a dog as you, a limbless human STICK, watches helplessly

Kenma: Pls do it

Yahaba: pop off 1 am akaashi

Suga: make it END

Oikawa: ⭐️NO⭐️

Semi: Oikawa if I pay you 300 yen will you stop

Oikawa: Oh yeah deal im broke

Yahaba: What kind of trade is this

Semi: A fair one

Yahaba: I don’t got 300 yen tho
Yahaba: I’m poor

Oikawa: Then give a penny

Shirabu: yeah donate to your sad pathetic captain in the most useless american currency

Oikawa: meanies :((
Oikawa: anywho my ⭐️ crisis ⭐️ is IWA CHAN TEXTING ME GOOD NIGHT sh*tTYKAWA WITH HEARTS AFTERWARDS OMG DOES THIS MEAN SOMETHING

Shirabu: did i ASK

Yahaba: lololol gottem

Semi: ...

Kenma: ...Im leaving

Akaashi: no you're f*cking not if i have to stay and suffer then you do too

Suga: Hey so who wants to tell him that theyre practically dating

Yahaba: trust me I've tried
Yahaba: may he forever stay oblivious so i don't have to see any more pda than i already do tho

Shirabu: this is the actual Worst

Oikawa: omg none of u guys are helping w my crisis *sheds tear*

Suga: to be fair, we're having more of a crisis from how oblivious you are

Semi: and quite frankly no one wants to help

Akaashi: that ^^

2:16 PM

Futakuchi: super out of nowhere but
Futakuchi: have any of us questioned oikawa before for why and how he knows our numbers

Akaashi: we did at the very beginning but then he deflected and no one else brought it up again

Semi: h u h

Futakuchi: yeah wait oikawa how tf did you find our numbers

Oikawa: LET'S SEE!
Oikawa: Mr. Refreshing-kun--we exchanged numbers before

Suga: that is correct

Oikawa: Yahaba—i just took your number from the seijoh gc
Oikawa: Futakuchi—i was talking to your ex-captain and he gave me your number when i asked for the prettiest person on the team ;))

Futakuchi: what the f*ck
Futakuchi: and he just GAVE IT?? bruh

Oikawa: I'm like 88% sure he said "take his number and bother him as much as he bothered me"

Futakuchi: i—

Oikawa: little tobio's number i hustled from Mr. refreshing kun

Kageyama: suga-san...why...

Suga: ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ sorry not sorry my lovely kouhai

Kageyama: :((

Suga: :))

Oikawa: and as for everyone else—i hustled some more!!
Oikawa: no jk iwa chan is just in contact w the aces and i politely asked him to get them to give the numbers of all the setters

Yahaba: you mean you begged on your knees desperately until he agreed

Oikawa: yes I did exactly that

Futakuchi: t r a g i c

Akaashi: and i’m assuming bokuto-san had no issue handing out my phone number either
Akaashi: we’re gonna have a nice long talk with him about that

Suga: 👀

Kenma: how do you even know nekoma’s ace

Oikawa: oh wait no i just got your number from kuroo
Akaashi: he would be the type to give out kenma’s number to ppl and tell them to be their friend

Kenma: u g h

Atsumu: but you dont even like
Atsumu: know our team

Kageyama: i gave him your number

Atsumu: …
Atsumu: oh f*ck YER ASS SO HARD TOBIO KUN

Kageyama: uhhh please dont

Osamu: quite frankly i dunno if he can
Osamu: he’s the type t get f*cked not the other way ‘round

Suga: PFFTTTT

Akaashi: lol

Atsumu: i hate it here

Oikawa: 😔😔😔😔
Oikawa: welcome to the club my guy

Chapter 11

Chapter Text

6:21 PM

Kageyama: help

Suga: ???
Suga: we just left practice pls don't tell me you and hinata got locked in the gym again

Oikawa: ROFL WHAT

Yahaba: it's happened to you before

Semi: like (ex)senpai like (ex)kouhai

Futakuchi: fr

Kageyama: no im trying to play a game
Kageyama: HE'S SUCH A BOT AT IT LOLOLOL - Hinata

Kenma: Shouyou?

Kageyama: HEY KENMA!! - Hinata
Kageyama: I'M SHOWING KAGS THAT GAME YOU TAUGHT ME TO PLAY
Kageyama: UHHH GENSHIN???

Kenma: ah
Kenma: i see
Kenma: what AR

Kageyama: i just started. like 10 minutes ago

Suga: i'm guessing that means AR 1

Futakuchi: the way that I started the game, got to ar 35, then forgot to keep playing for months

Akaashi: the way that kenma is addicted to the stupid thing
Akaashi: how much money has it been now

Kenma: a good couple thousand yen
Kenma: couple hundred thousand*

Suga: holy sh*t

Oikawa: w o w
Oikawa: i spent almost 900 yen for welkin that one childe rerun last year and lost my 50/50 and gave up on the game

Yahaba: you only wanted him bc he's literally you, same birthday and all

Suga: hm the dumbass energy is there

Akaashi: simp energy too

Oikawa: h e y g i r l i e ??

Kenma: leave right now

Futakuchi: bruh my eyes buRN

Yahaba: god i want to uneye myself

Kageyama: ????

Futakuchi: Kenma who's ur main

Kenma: depends on the day
Kenma: I have kaeya xiao raiden kazuha and ayaka triple crowned

Suga: jesus 🥲🥲

Futakuchi: kaeya?

Akaashi: he reminds kenma of kuroo

Oikawa: yanno i see it

Kageyama: hinata says he mains itto

Futakuchi: huh yeah the energy levels match up

Suga: proud jean main here :))

Oikawa: NOW THAT's fitting too

Osamu: tsumu mains ningguang bc he likes ppl who will step on him
Osamu: and his account has sh*t luck he keeps losin his 50/50s to qiqi

Atsumu: I HAVE A RAIDEN U BITCH

Osamu: it took ya 130 wishes
Osamu: stoopid

Atsumu: i stopped playin for a reason :huff:
Atsumu: and my luck wasnt THAT bad

Osamu: ur c6 qiqi would beg to disagree

Futakuchi: L

Kenma: L

Suga: L

Oikawa: MASSIVE L AHAHA

Atsumu: STFU SAMU SHUT IT SHUT IT SHUT IT
Atsumu: i hate all a y'all

Kenma: the feeling's mutual

11:16 PM

Suga: oh my god there's a stinkbug in my room
Suga: A STINKBUG AGKJLAJ;

Kageyama: there are stinkbugs in japan?

Suga: MAYBE IT'S A co*ckROACH IDFK

Futakuchi: unhinged suga moment?

Kageyama: i cant remember a time when he is hinged

Shirabu: goddamn

Suga: KAGEYAMA IM DISOWNING YOU

Kageyama: 👍

Osamu: he sounds relieved tbh

Yahaba: nah bc I'd also be relieved in oikawa disowned me

Kageyama: that's bc i am

Suga: okay
Suga: the stinkbug is now safely tucked into the jar
Suga: it can join its buggy companions in suffocating to death

Shirabu: on one hand, the knowledge that Suga has a dead bug jar shouldnt be surprising

Osamu: on the other hand wtf

Futakuchi: sorry did i read that right
Futakuchi: DEAD BUG JAR??

Suga: dead bug jar

Kageyama: he brought it to practice one afternoon
Kageyama: asahi passed out

Shirabu: jesus. you guys need jesus

Yahaba: hate to agree but. ^^^ that's facts

Suga: we have asahi

Akaashi: is it true that you guys once strung him up on the volleyball net during christmas to represent jesus getting crucified

Suga: that is true

Kageyama: unfortunately

Atsumu: eww bugs are disgustin
Atsumu: like who invented those
Atsumu: the worst

Akaashi: Suga is having his serial killer arc and i'm here for it quite frankly

Suga: thank you

Akaashi: pls do stay far far away from tokyo though
Akaashi: I'd rather not become a victim

Yahaba: does this mean all of miyagi are potential victims
Yahaba: do I have time to run 🥲

Kageyama: no

Suga: no

2:02 PM

Kenma: lev swallowed a bee

Semi: excuse me?

Kenma: I said
Kenma: he swallowed a bee.

Akaashi: I can't say I'm surprised

Suga: that happened with noya once

Futakuchi: whats w you guys and swallowing bees

Shirabu: ^^^

Suga: was your bee dead

Kenma: it was alive

Semi: holy f*ck

Yahaba: bro 💀💀

Suga: at least noya's bee was dead
Suga: he mistook it for a crumb of bread

Futakuchi: phenomenal poetry right there

Semi: the stupidity of some of ur teammates astounds me

Suga: it's like parenting a team of toddlers

Akaashi: for me it's like having a toddler in a team of parents

Kenma: has bokuto eaten a bee yet

Akaashi: he's eaten a co*ckroach
Akaashi: a giant ass co*ckroach
Akaashi: grilled.

Futakuchi: hey so what the f*ck

Suga: it was grilled?

Akaashi: it was grilled.

Semi: why was it grilled

Yahaba: yes please answer why

Kenma: oh was it that barbecue after our training camp a while back

Akaashi: yes. Kuroo dared him to eat the co*ckroach on the grill
Akaashi: to no one's surprise, he ate it.

Kenma: to everyone's surprise you mean?
Kenma: even kuroo wasn't expecting him to actually eat it

Akaashi: well I wasn't surprised, just disappointed
Akaashi: and unfortunately for us all, bokuto did eat it

Semi: there is smth diff with you Tokyo people

Shirabu: im literally gonna throw up my lunch
Shirabu: if there's vomit on the front steps of shiratorizawa it's me

Semi: duly noted

Osamu: i hate backreadin
Osamu: and bugs
Osamu: bugs even more so than before
Osamu: good food does not include bugs

Akaashi: i'm inclined to agree

Osamu: why is your taste in men a bug-eater

Kenma: i ask him the same question every day

Akaashi: i ask myself the same question every day

3:19 AM

Akaashi: so as it turns out

6:59 AM

Kenma: ???

Futakuchi: as it turns out what
Futakuchi: AS IT TURNS OUT WHAT

Oikawa: what what what

Suga: ?

Atsumu: yo wassup

Akaashi: as it turns out

Oikawa: the lord has finally spoken

Akaashi: bokuto-san and i have entered a relationship

Oikawa: HELLO???????? OMG WHAT

Kenma: oh that's what kuroo called me at 4 AM for
Kenma: congrats

Suga: congrats!! :DDD

Atsumu: *GASp* congrats??!!!

Yahaba: congrats!!!

Kageyama: congrats

Semi: nice

Futakuchi: aye congrats

Shirabu: good job

Osamu: congrats!

Kenma: now you're saddled with bokuto for life
Kenma: have fun with that
Kenma: you're gonna be in a relationship with a man who ate a co*ckroach.

Oikawa: omg :o
Oikawa: kitty-chan is right

Kenma: istg never call me that again

Akaashi: i love him enough to ignore the co*ckroach eating

Osamu: that's smth i never thought i'd read

Kageyama: ^^

Futakuchi: now THAT's dedication

Suga: find yourself a man as dedicated as Akaashi

Atsumu: bruh fr

Yahaba: he takes care of you, makes sure you play your best, knows ALL YOUR MOODS?? accompanies you to the end of the world and back??

Shirabu: so find yourself a babysitter

Akaashi: unfortunately, that would not be inaccurate

Semi: full-time babysitter AND boyfriend now

Osamu: that's gotta be tough

Oikawa: props to you tho pretty-owl-chan!! may you find happiness!!

Akaashi: thank you

Kageyama: if i tell hinata the news will he start cheering
Kageyama: that his parents finally got married

Suga: WOAH

Akaashi: i am unsure, but go for it kageyama

Suga: YOURE NOT HIS PARENT??? i AM

Akaashi: hm? did someone say something?

Futakuchi: goddamn

Yahaba: pls stop encouraging the suga serial killer arc 🙏🙏

8:10 PM

Atsumu: okay everyone please expose your screentime from this week

Kageyama: uh why

Oikawa: ^^ why

Osamu: tsumu is stupid and doesn't like givin context for sh*t
Osamu: we got a project for class bout technology and need to collect data from at least 20 ppl bout phone usage

Futakuchi: i dont quite want to share my time spent on youtube

Yahaba: share anyways

Futakuchi: 32 hours the past week

Suga: that...could be worse??? I think??

Yahaba: 💀💀💀💀💀
Yahaba: bro that means you average over 4 hours a day on it

Akaashi: that could still be worse

Kenma: that's weak

Akaashi: oh?
Akaashi: Kenma, pull up your game screentime

Kenma: no
Kenma: you cant make me

Akaashi: try me

Kenma: ...
Kenma: i hate how competent u are
Kenma: almost 56 hours last week

Atsumu: HOLY MOLYYYY

Yahaba: SHEESH

Semi: are you,,,alive.

Kenma: no

Suga: let's move onto more normalish numbers please

Oikawa: okay mine are
Oikawa: vanced kit for 12 hours
Oikawa: youtube for 17

Kageyama: Also what's cancer kit
Kageyama: Vanced

Yahaba: LOL
Yahaba: not oikawas fake YouTube

Atsumu: his WHAT

Oikawa: ... Okay so
Oikawa: It's YouTube without ads

Atsumu: 💀💀💀 stfu no way

Kageyama: ...then why do u also use YouTube

Oikawa: OBVIOUSLY For shorts
Oikawa: 😌😌😌😌
Oikawa: Also vanced kit take like 10 seconds to load so
Oikawa: Takes

Suga: 💀💀💀

Futakuchi: not the youtube shorts

Kageyama: My YouTube use is much less

Suga: good, dont be like oikawa

Oikawa: HEY I'm tryna quit shorts and it's not working

Yahaba: I can vouch, he did try to quit. It did not work

Atsumu: Ya can't quit it
Atsumu: I was almost tempted to quit and move to Instagram reels bc reels has more consistent stuff but. YouTube shorts prevails

Oikawa: I keep telling myself at least it isn't tik tok but I don't think it's much better

Akaashi: hm fair at least it's not tiktok

Kageyama: i don't have Instagram

Futakuchi: That's for the better tbh

Oikawa: NOOO not for the better >:(((
Oikawa: I need more follows

Yahaba: bruh. Bc you want kageyama to follow you 🤨🤨

Atsumu: who asked tho

Oikawa: bITCH

Atsumu: lolol :PPP

Akaashi: hm my chrome use the past week was 16 hours

Futakuchi: holy jesus

Semi: yeah mine too

Yahaba: what are you guys DOING
Yahaba: I go on safari for like an hour max a day???

Akaashi: studying

Osamu: respect

Akaashi: and reading manga on my pirating sites

Atsumu: mad respect

Semi: I just like reading articles

Shirabu: bc you're BORING

Oikawa: not the way he appears just to slander semi

Shirabu: not the way that you use off brand youtube

Oikawa: I DON'T LIKE ADS SO SUE ME

Semi: yanno, he might actually try to sue you

Oikawa: ...aight let's move on

3:48 PM

Atsumu: samu where r u
Atsumu: cant find u
Atsumu: WHEREEEEE

Osamu: Tsumu i see ya

Atsumu: Where

Osamu: Here
Osamu: Look to ur 10 oclock

Atsumu: ??

Osamu: okay try 9 clock
Osamu: And across the walkway
Osamu: A little further

Atsumu: i dont see ya

Osamu: f*ckin hell ya DUMB PIG LOOK HARDER
Osamu: maybe 7 o'clock

Atsumu: Kys

Osamu: no u

Atsumu: 😤😤
Atsumu: WAIT BITCH 7 O CLOCK IS BEHIND ME

Osamu: I KNOW
Osamu: 9 O'CLOCK IS LITERALLY WHERE I AM TO YA
Osamu: BUT YA DIDN'T TURN ENOUGH STUPIDASS

Futakuchi: bruh reading this interaction happy live is insane
Futakuchi: happen***

Suga: ive never been so confused yet so entertained at the same time

Yahaba: atsumu no braincells confirmed???

Kenma: definitely confirmed

Shirabu: the more i read their names in this chat the less real the names look

Futakuchi: nahhh that's fr

Suga: Where are you two even going

Atsumu: hehehe we're throwin ballzzzz

Osamu: what he means to say is
Osamu: our whole team is goin bowling

Akaashi: Are you good at bowling

Osamu: I'm alright
Osamu: Tsumu sucks tho

Atsumu: I DO NOT

Osamu: hm kita senpai would disagree

Atsumu: SHADDUPPPPP

Suga: have fun bowling!

Oikawa: send videos of tsumtsum please 🙏🙏🙏🙏

Osamu: will do

Kenma: funny story, akaashi is very bad at bowling

Akaashi: funny story, kouzume
Kenma about to be found dead in his home in 10 minutes

Kageyama: it'd be a funny story if we were all characters in a volleyball anime and our entire group chat was a story

Yahaba: hey no going meta on us

Suga: that'd sure be a funny story alright hahahaa

Yahaba: is no one gonna talk bout Akaashi's serial killer arc

Kenma: it conveniently slipped my mind

Akaashi: you're going to conveniently slip on ice this winter and fall to your death

Oikawa: now THAT'S a funky way to die

Atsumu: death by bowlin would be funny

Osamu: if ya don't hurry ur ass up and pick yer size bowling shoe I'm gonna hurl ur ass into the bowling alley

Shirabu: we are all so violent today :DD

Futakuchi: I don't think that's smth to be excited about

Suga: no no. This is character development

Semi: somehow I doubt that 💀